30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
Low Blows

Fung Wah Fo-Eva
Lemon: You're taking a bus?
Jack: I have to. Ever since these buffoons from Detroit took private planes, the rest of us have to put on a show. And now your president, who by the way is Kenyan and smokes cigarettes, has created an industry task force for microwaves and small appliances.

My Ideal Date
Frank: If your man collects action figures, that's a dealbreaker?
Lemon: What? Oh, yeah.
Frank: Last weekend I picked up this girl after practicing Jedi moves in Prospect Park --
Lemon: Also a dealbreaker.
Frank: ...I took her back to my house on the handlebars of my bike -
Lemon: As is that.
Frank: ...snuck her inside past my mom -
Lemon: Wow. That's four!
Frank: ...she sees my mint condition Hellboy figurine -
Lemon: That's five!
Frank: ...and starts quoting your dumb book! Yeah! Also, my girlfriend is mad... in Canada.

Charity Works Both Ways
Lemon: I didn't know you did volunteer work.
Kenneth: Oh, yes! I also help out at the Pants for Zoo Animals program and Big Brother.
Lemon: Really? I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.
Kenneth: Oh, no. This Big Brother isn't affiliated with the mentoring program. It's an organization that secretly watches people and makes sure they're behaving properly.

Stripe-y Shenanigans, Indeed
Tracy: A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory!

File Under: Slush Fund
Devin: Is it true, Mr. Donaghy, that your executives routinely used company helicopters to dry their home tennis courts?
Jack: Yes and no. Yes that did happen, and no, it didn't not happen.
Devin: And that GE kept a party clown on retainer with a six-figure salary?
Jack: Silly Willy's fee was amortized over all birthdays company-wide.
Devin: I've been told that company money is being gambled at race tracks.
Jack: Yes, but I have a system. [Which he earlier described is based on horse penis size, FYI.]
Devin: In 2007, a GE officer used corporate funds to throw a Cabaret-themed Halloween party on Fire Island.
Jack: As I recall, that was you.

Dr. Do-Purnell
Animal Shelter Volunteer: The most important thing is that you not become emotionally attached to any of [the animals].
Kenneth: I grew up on a pig farm, sir, where all the animals -- even the birds that cleaned our teeth -- were workers, not pets. I never even had a dog 'cause, as my mom would say, "Ya can't eat love." And as my mom's friend Ron would say, "The donkey died. You're the donkey now, Kenneth."

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

30 Rock




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP