30 Rock

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
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One-Hit Blunders

Moments later, she has summoned the writers to Jack's office for a Poirot-style summation of the previous night's "repulsive act." While the evening's events could have been taken at value, it's also possible that her one-night-stand was the result of a vast conspiracy. It began when Kenneth poisoned the editor's food... while wearing an ominous pinky ring. Shortly before, Pete gained access to her fanny pack and removed her license from the malfunction-proof Velcro Philly sport wallet. She knows this, because he forgot to break the seal on the ibuprofen he supposedly needed. The plot thickened when Lemon didn't fall asleep after four glasses of wine. It was Jenna's black-market organ-slimming pills! The accomplices became desperate when Lemon wavered over whether to leave the club with Anders. Through a coordinated series of gestures and German-issued full-body tackles, the club fell into a scene of chaos, giving Anders the opportunity to whisk Lemon away to the safety of his hotel room. With all of these pieces in place, Lemon realizes that even the club itself was strange, almost as if it were designed specifically for her? Who might have the resources to accomplish such a feat? She pulls up a whiteboard with the words "Canal Yards Project" on it. She rearranges them to come up with the words "Tracy Jordans Place." Dot Com to Grizz: "You had to sign your crime, didn't you?" Grizz: "You were the one who gave me those Monk DVDs!" Lemon says the final straw was when Anders told her, "It's never too late for now." The night before, she took the coincidence as a sign from the universe. In the harsh light of day, she recognizes it must have come from somewhere far more nefarious. She wonders how Anders knew everything about her. Flash back to Anders' tutorial in Jack's office, where he is being told about Lemon's favorite drink -- Funky Juice. Lemon has but one question still unanswered: Who was Anders? Jack assures her, "He certainly wasn't a Swiss prostitute that Martha Stewart recommended to me." With a grimace, she leaves that one alone and concludes the presentation. Yes, this complex explanation is possible, but what sort of friends would conspire so against her? She thinks it's positively malarkey, and she's just a very lucky girl who happened to get some last night. With that, she releases Emily Dickinson from her cage and, in doing so, bids a symbolic goodbye to spinsterhood. [Emily Dickinson is promptly scooped up by a falcon. - Z]

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30 Rock

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