Jack: That is my signature.
Khonani: You signed it on April 22, 2005.
Jack: Okay, in my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.
Khonani: Well, I want the earlier shift. It's better pay and more prestigious. Ever since I am a little boy, I am dreaming of hosting "The Tonight Shift."
Jack: Okay, calm down, Khonani. I understand that I made you a promise, and we're going to honor it. Because this is NBC -- Biggest Loser network.
"Let's Get Sephardic"?
Lemon: Hey, Jenna. If I'm expecting about 20 people tonight, how much ice should I get?
Jenna: Oh, you don't want to mess with that stuff, Liz. Ice has caused a lot of ODs in the porn community. [Lemon shoot her a confused look.] Oh, you mean frozen water? I don't know.
Lemon: Well I just don't want to forget anything.
Jenna: Don't worry. No one's expecting a lot.
Lemon: No! Tonight is going to be different. There's gonna be booze and a karaoke machine and that Black Eyed Peas song they wrote for Bar Mitzvahs!
Tracy's Trials and Strip-ulations
Tracy: Ken! Why did you let me go to a strip club?!
Kenneth: I tried to stop you, sir, but you threw your dog at me.
Tracy: This is bad, because I can't change! I'm like a chameleon -- always a lizard!
But Was He Wearing This?
Tracy [picks up phone in a frenzy]: This better be a meeting, 'cause I'm important!
Lemon: Tracy, it's Liz. I want you to know that at my party tonight, you are off the leash. I want to see the behavior that got you kicked out of the Inaugural Ball.
Tracy: I can't, LL. First of all, the Secret Service never gave me back my T-shirt cannon. And second of all, I gotta stay home and take care of Angie.
Lemon: What? No! Come on, you have to come. I need you. This party has to be off the hook.
Tracy: People don't say that anymore! They say "Surf Party USA."
Tracy [picks up phone]: This better be meatmant, I'm importing.
Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, it's Kenneth Parcell -- from work... and friendship!
That Jenna, Always Seeing the Bright Side
Lemon: You think I don't know what that is? I know about Thursday Night Thunder, and I know that I'm not invited!