Larry King Live can be a very peculiar show, but most people are either too old, or too half-asleep on the couch, to notice how peculiar. They don't notice it when a former White House Press Secretary is having an argument with Joy Behar and Dean Cain about the progressive tax system; or when Sheryl Crowe and Michael Steele are debating whether or not we need an active federal government. Larry King has that habit. He invites on celebrities to talk about things they have no real qualification to speak on: "Why is the guy from Desperate Housewives talking about the alternative minimum tax?" for instance. That's the premise of this episode. Tracy makes an appearance on Larry King to promote TGS, but when Larry King gets breaking news about turmoil in the Asian stock market, Tracy takes the opportunity to spit out half-brained opinions about the stock market that throws New York into a panic.
Perhaps the biggest panic comes from 30 Rock, where the writing staff hears Tracy admit during his interview that he has stashed large sums of money in discreet hiding places at work. Frank, Toofer, Lutz and Hornberger tear the place apart, looking for the cash. Hornberger even calls the show to try and coax Tracy into telling them the hiding place, but Tracy gives his answer as a riddle. "The place I picked is very dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft, and although the location changes every time, the money stays in the same place."
Meanwhile, Lemon is forced to venture out to a shady area of Queens with Kenneth to retrieve her lost cell phone from an extortionist cab driver. When they get to Queens, people are in a panic because of the financial turmoil and Tracy's insane predictions on the television. So much so that Kenneth wants to go back to 30 Rock where it's safe. He doesn't understand why Lemon is so determined to get her phone back. It's because on the phone is an "adult" picture, taken by Dr. Baird, and the cabbie is threatening to forward it to all of her friends unless she pays him a ransom of $2,000. Lemon and Kenneth show up without the money, but when Kenneth hears Tracy's riddle on the TV at the taxicab garage, he solves the riddle. It's him; he's the hiding place. Kenneth checks his hair, his back pockets, and then the inside lining of his page jacket, and contained within are rows of taped-together money. Kenneth pulls out $2,000 and hands it over to the cab driver in return for Lemon's phone.
Jack and Elisa's relationship hits a crossroads when Jack asks her to stay in New York rather than go to see her family in Puerto Rico. She agrees to stay, but only if he spends the entire week with her. She wants to know that Jack is fully committed to their relationship. It seems that she still has her doubts, no more evident than by the fact that they haven't had sex yet. Jack proves his commitment when he clears his schedule and takes the week off of work to spend time with Elisa. It begins well, but when Tracy's frantic warnings on The Larry King Live Show help to drive down stock prices, Jack is interrupted by one of GE's executives. In fact, they barge into Elisa's apartment looking for him. The company's stock price is tumbling in the wake of the financial calamity, and Don Geiss is nowhere to be found. Jack is forced to make a choice between Elisa and his job, and he chooses the job. He huddles with the rest of the top brass back at 30 Rock to watch a tape, made by Don Geiss in 1987, in case of an economic meltdown. "My message is timeless," he tells them. "Avoid the Noid." He also tells them that the only thing they can do is to be with their loved ones and hold them close. Jack takes the message to heart. He rushes to Elisa, who just happens to be sitting on the curb trying to catch a bus to the airport. Jack asks her to marry him and she accepts, but the following day, after the panic has subsided, Elisa sends Jack a VHS tape of her own. She tells Jack that she's decided to go to Puerto Rico and spend time with her family, and that his proposal, while appreciated, might have been the result of last night's financial panic. She wants them to both think it over. Jack's face reads sad. Are these crazy kids ever going to find true love?
It has been my pleasure, during these past two seasons, to cover the funniest sitcom on TV; however, this will be my last recap of 30 Rock. As much as I would love to continue along with you on this journey, I have made a very serious vow to retool my personal calendar. Beginning this week, I am making Thursday, Friday. You understand, that means that Friday will be my new Thursday, and Saturday will be Friday. Sundays will still be Sundays, and Tuesdays are being removed altogether (to avoid the show Reaper), but from now on Monday is going to be called Rom-Nom-Nomday. It's complicated. I aim to actively petition our government to institute this massive overhaul in America's lunar calendar, but until we can all be on the same page again, it will be literally impossible for me to recap 30 Rock on its proper night -- proper night to you, not to me. I digress. Seriously though, it has been my sincere pleasure to do the recaps for a great site, and I really do hope you enjoyed at least some of what I did here. In the event that you did, keep in mind that I update my blog over at SlapClap.com almost daily. It might be worth a bookmark. Toodles kids, but first the recap!
While Jack and Elisa wait in line for food at a street cart, a dad struggles to hold on to, among other things, a child and a plush toy. Thankfully, it's the plush toy that accidentally falls to the sidewalk, and Elisa walks over to hand it back to him. Jack pities the poor fellow: "Look at this guy. He used to be a man once." But Elisa is offended. "Don't you want what he has one day? Family, wife, children?" Jack freezes up, alarmed by the implication. Afterwards, he seeks out Lemon for relationship advice. He senses that Elisa is ready for the next step, and he wants another woman's opinion on the matter. For her part, Lemon feels the need to clarify that, yes, she is a woman, despite what her doctor had to say on the matter, and that what all women want to know is where their relationship is headed. Jack explains that he is ready for the next step -- probably because that next step is sex. Jack and Elisa have "pleasured one another," but have never gone all the way. Elisa is waiting for a full commitment from him before they can go any farther. So Lemon tells Jack two things in closing: the first is that he must be truthful, no matter what, and the second is that she has had sex two more times than him this year. She puts her hand up, waiting for a high five. "Don't leave a brotha hanging!" (Grudgingly, Jack does not.)