It's Jack's birthday, and he's happily settling into his relationship with Avery. That is, until Nancy Donovan returns to announce she's gotten him the best present of all -- a divorce. Jack decides to juggle his two paramours until he can decide which one he wants for the long haul. This undertaking proves increasingly difficult, even for the formidable Mr. Donaghy. In the end, he chooses not to choose just yet.
Meanwhile, Lemon has her own relationship woes. She branches out, joining local singles groups for everything from from dodgeball to line dancing (and cheese tasting, obvs) -- but to no avail. It probably doesn't help that she has no qualms hurling dodgeballs at her crushes' heads. When Jack goes on a date with Avery and relegates Nancy, that ol' Beantown sage, to one of Lemon's events, Nancy advises Lemon to focus on what she wants in a man and go for it. Lemon blurts her checklist to a sexy dodgeball opponent only to discover he doesn't speak any English... and may be an alcoholic. So much for epiphanies!
And alas poor Toofer! Tracy mentions that TGS's favorite token... um... Harvard alum is a beneficiary of affirmative action. So the Bulldog himself quits. His abrupt departure leaves Pete with a pile of paperwork that pisses him off enough to dig into Lemon's files and ascertain that she, too, has benefited from affirmative action pretty much all her life. Toofer eventually returns to the show on the condition that everyone stop calling him Toofer. But, faced with his potential new nicknames, he decides it's not so bad being "Toofer" after all.
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Jack gives his Q1 report over the phone to someone, who we quickly realize is Avery. Yes, their relationship is business to the max. She gets all hot and bothered, warning him that she's wearing a "slutty Grace Kelly" get-up to an event that evening. Jack licks his chops in anticipation, only to have his sartorial boner crushed when Lemon scampers in wearing a schlubby sweat suit and brandishing an audio birthday card that she couldn't be bothered to figure out, beyond saying "Test, test, test" and shrilling the Wonder Woman theme. Jack snarks that his true present is her lovely ensemble, which he likens to the clothes of "a prison weed dealer." Lemon explains that she's just come from a singles dodgeball game. She's forcing herself to attend as many singles events as possible these days. Jack says he wishes she had it as easy as he does with Avery. He smugs, "As my good friend and fox-hunting partner Mary J. Blige would say, 'No more drama.'" On cue, Nancy Donovan materializes and announces that she's finally gone through with her divorce. Credits.
Downstairs, Jenna asks Lemon how dodgeball went. Flash to Lemon getting a wink from a cute guy on the other team, then pelting him in the head with a ball and yelling, "Eat it, bitch!" Jenna is flummoxed at Lemon's lack of suave with the fellas. Lemon says no matter because she has more events to come. Jenna offers to be Lemon's wingman as part of her research for an upcoming movie.
Jenna heads off, and Lemon spots Jack walking Nancy through the corridor. Jack tries to introduce Nancy to Tracy, but he's on the hunt for "a red-headed MILF walking around with some executive" that he heard about through the grapevine. Nancy takes it as a compliment and mentions how she's actually enjoying being newly single. Jack tells Nancy he'll see her at lunch, then asks Kenneth to escort her to the elevator. They all have a forced laugh, and Kenneth insists they haven't met before.
Lemon asks if Avery knows about this recent development. Jack is just as surprised as she is, saying he didn't think Nancy would ever get divorced. He has decided to let things play out, dating both women until he can make an informed decision about which of his two lady loves is the best for him. Lemon thinks Jack's in over his head, noting that "Mrs. Doubtfire shimself could not do this." She warns him against his bleak future of singles dodgeball by shoving a pair or sweat-soaked rec-specs in his face. Jack is disgusted by this thought but still arrogant enough to go through with his plan.