Toofer: Liz, I work here because I'm hilarious, right?
Lemon: Is that a trick question?
Toofer: Today Tracy made the accusation that I am the beneficiary of affirmative action.
Lemon: Yeah, well, Tracy is a buffoon.
Tracy [pops his head in]: That is a 15th century term for a black pirate. Racist!
Toofer: Is my presence on this staff tokenism?
Lemon: Toofer, you are an invaluable member of our team.
Toofer: Then why are my paychecks a different color than Frank's?
Lemon: Because... your salary does not come out of our budget. Look, Toof, you provide a point of view that is essential to keep the diversity... guy from bothering us.
Apologies to Joyce DeWitt
Lemon: How's your episode of Three's Company going?
Jack: Like Three's Company, it's titillating and anxiety-producing. I need your help... Janet.
Lemon: Aw man, being Janet sucks!
A Peek At Lemon's Bookshelf
Lemon: You know what? This whole thing is unfair. You're juggling dating two beautiful women while I have to pay to have kickballs whipped at me. This is gender inequity out the yang!
Jack: This has nothing to do with the slight difference in our genders.
Lemon: Yes, it does. The older you get the more distinguished you are. Meanwhile, I'm reading a book called Hiding Your Arms, Hiding Your Anger: Dating Over 35.
Wordsmithing 101 with Tracy Jordan
Pete: Tracy, buddy, will you call Toofer and talk some sense into him?
Tracy: Oh yeah, just ask the black guy 'cause we all know each other. Pete, could you tell a bald eagle to stop scarin' me at zoos? You know, I've been wantin' to say this for a few seconds now -- this workplace has become a hotbed of old-school racism.
Pete: Come on, Tra, no one here is racist.
Tracy: Oh yeah? How come I'm always forced to play ridickerous characters that don'un-anunciate well?
Mmmm... Baby Cows
Avery: I love coming here. You know this is one of the only restaurants in America with a veal tank.
Jack: It just tastes better when you pick your own!
Age Before Beauty
Avery: You know, Jack, I think I know the real reason you were acting weird about doing the red carpet with me.
Avery: You're self-conscious about age difference, and you thought you'd look old standing next to me.
Jack: You're very perceptive.
Avery: I get why it's on your mind, what with your birthday and my amazing skin. And sure, people in this restaurant might think that you're my dad...
Jack: ...or that you're my prostitute?