An Inuit, a talking dog, and a Lemon walk into a bar...
A Lemon by Any Other Name...
Lemon: Look at this [holds up a name placard with the words "F. Krueger"]. The writers put it on my door.
Jack: I don't know what that's referring to.
Lemon: It's referring to this one time that I got a chemical peel before work... and I was wearing a green and red sweater... and a fedora. But these douche-b's have been doing this for weeks.
Jack [flipping through Lemon's nameplates]: Lez Lemon--
Lemon: First thought.
Jack: Winona Ryder in a Hundred Years--
Jack: Fart Barfunkel--
Lemon: Indian food.
Jack: Paul Simon.
Lemon: I don't get that, but it hurts. Look, I love a good joke, but I am their boss, and at a certain point, it crosses a line. To quote Rodney Dangerfield [attempts a sad, bad impression]...
Jack: Lemon if you're about to say that you don't get any respect, you're right. I mean, in a post-Apocalyptic world, how would society even use you?
Lemon: Traveling bard.
Jack: Radiation canary.
Jonathan, Ever the Optimist
Jack: Do you know who gets elected to Congress these days? Former athletes, washed-up actors and, uh... women. I'm locked and loaded and ready for whatever these Beltway lobotomites throw at me.
Jonathan: What if we have to stay overnight, and there aren't enough rooms, so we have to share a room?! And I forgot to bring a shirt to sleep in and the stores are all closed... [elevator door closes]
We Didn't Start the Network
Jenna: Kenneth, you're back! I need you to get me something called Vagitrax. It's... for dry knees.
Kenneth: I wish I were back, Miss Maroney. I'm reapplying to the Page program, but it's a lot harder than my first time around. It's gotten really competitive. You shoulda seen what I saw in Mr. Winerslav's office. [cut to HR department]
Jeffrey Winerslav: Well your interview will be Thursday. Is there any A/V equipment you'll be needing?
Applicant [playing a keyboard and singing to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"]: Inside Schwartz, 21, Hill Street Blues, Wings is fun! Golden Girls, Quantum Leap, Outsourced is the new Friends! [cut back to TGS]
Kenneth: The process used to be dignified. Now it's just a pageant.
Jenna: Just a pageant? That's like saying a guy is cool because he has just a speedboat.