Lemon: Traveling bard.
Jack: Radiation canary.
Jonathan, Ever the Optimist
Jack: Do you know who gets elected to Congress these days? Former athletes, washed-up actors and, uh... women. I'm locked and loaded and ready for whatever these Beltway lobotomites throw at me.
Jonathan: What if we have to stay overnight, and there aren't enough rooms, so we have to share a room?! And I forgot to bring a shirt to sleep in and the stores are all closed... [elevator door closes]
We Didn't Start the Network
Jenna: Kenneth, you're back! I need you to get me something called Vagitrax. It's... for dry knees.
Kenneth: I wish I were back, Miss Maroney. I'm reapplying to the Page program, but it's a lot harder than my first time around. It's gotten really competitive. You shoulda seen what I saw in Mr. Winerslav's office. [cut to HR department]
Jeffrey Winerslav: Well your interview will be Thursday. Is there any A/V equipment you'll be needing?
Applicant [playing a keyboard and singing to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"]: Inside Schwartz, 21, Hill Street Blues, Wings is fun! Golden Girls, Quantum Leap, Outsourced is the new Friends! [cut back to TGS]
Kenneth: The process used to be dignified. Now it's just a pageant.
Jenna: Just a pageant? That's like saying a guy is cool because he has just a speedboat.
Let's Not and Say We Did
Jack: Representative Regina Bookman is using the Kabletown hearings as a soapbox from which to complain about a lack of diversity on TV.
Lemon: Well, she has a point. I was reading the new Malcolm Gladwell New Yorker piece on my Kindle--
Jack: Did you really read that?
Lemon: No, I did not.
No Pain, No Page
Jenna: There you are. I've got hair extensions for you, and a body shaper with a reinforced penile sleeve.
Kenneth: Miss Maroney, please. My feet are killing me--
Jenna: I am trying to help you, Kenneth. Believe me, I wish you weren't such a Houston foreclosure of a human being, but I need to tear you down and turn you into someone that can actually win this thing!
More Like a Waddling and Teetering Tour
Regina Bookman: Mr. Donaghy, I'm in New York right now. Some colleagues and I are taking meetings on Wall Street, and then we're doing a Sex and the City walking tour.