Deadbeat Dads & Demoralized Dogs
Tracy: Come on in, Jack, I'm just practicing sitting.
Jack: Tracy, why don't you ever try to find your father?
Tracy: Because he's dead.
Jack: How do you know?
Tracy: Because I'm rich, and if that man was alive, he'd be living in my pool house, and I'd be paying him $200,000 a year to mow my lawn.
Jack: Exactly. That's all family is: A drain.
Tracy: I feel like you're not telling me something, Jack. Let me guess. You bought a sidecar for your motorcycle, and your dog won't stay in it?

The Jenna Formerly Known As Lizzie Grubman
Jenna: This is it! This is the defining thing of my life. It's not going to be that hit-and-run!

Someone's Sexually Repressed!
Lenny: Thanks for meeting me here.
Jack: This is my office.
Lenny: I know, but once I'm in the building, I can get into the cafeteria. And that means free ice!

Deconstructing Age: African-American Edition
Lemon: There is no way that's Tracy's son, right? That guy is scamming him.
Pete: Maybe. Donald did look pretty old.
Lemon: I know... but I do have a hard time telling ages with Black--
Toofer enters
Lemon:...shoes are the best kind of shoes.
Toofer: How old do you think I am?
Pete: 50!
Lemon [same time]: 25!
Toofer: I am 33. How old do you think Samuel L. Jackson is?
Lemon: 50!
Pete [same time]: 25.
Toofer: Mr. Jackson is 61.
Lemon: Wow! Okay. What about this? Maybe Donald is Tracy's son because maybe Tracy is 60.
Pete: No, that's ridiculous.
Lemon: Think about it: He can't rap. He has diabetes. A lot of his friends are dead.
Pete: He falls asleep in chairs. He doesn't know how to use a computer. He's always mad at the TV!
Toofer: His favorite show is NCIS.
Lemon: He might be 70!

Well, For Starters... You're in the Entertainment Industry
Lemon: Hey, Tracy, you're 39, right?
Tracy: Yeah, why would I lie about my age? I'm in the entertainment industry.

I Prefer "Spectacular & Marvelous!"
Donald: Heyyyyy... [reading badge] Kenny!
Kenneth: Well hello... stranger!
Donald: Do you like magazines?
Kenneth: I sure like S&M magazines. "S&M" is my abbreviation for "Super and Magical!"