Jack's quest for his father quickly devolves into Mamma Mia-style hijinks. Coincidentally, this is Lemon's wildest dream come true. Jack brings the three contenders -- some Asian guy, a man whose genitals were destroyed in WW2, and Alan Alda -- into his office under the ruse of a contest. It's pretty clear from the get-go who is Jack's father, which only makes it all the more unsettling when bio-pop turns out to be a liberal Jew. Despite Jack's instinctive reluctance to form family ties with his polar opposite, he presses onward. Father and son have an insta-reunion lasting about 30 seconds before bio-pop asks Jack for a kidney.
Tracy reconnects with fatherhood, as well, when he learns of his illegitimate son, Donald. Lemon and Pete immediately think the kid is scamming Tracy for money, which he claims he's using to open a karate dojo. And by "kid," I mean "man of at least 35," although it's hard to tell with those black-- shoes are the best! Just ask Lemon. The case against Donald only builds when Lemon and Pet spy him wrapping up half a muffin (no 21-year-olds do that!) and conning Kenneth out of 80 bucks for "magazine subscriptions." They send Lutz in to disprove his karate skillz. Lutz ends up on crutches. Plan B! Lemon tells Tracy frankly that Donald is a phony who, it turns out, is 40 years old -- one year older than Tracy. Tracy admits he knew about Donald's lies, but turned a blind eye to them because of all the good works Donald has done with his swindled money. No harm, no foul.
It's no harm, some fowl for the ladies tonight when Lemon writes Jenna's legacy-building catchphrase: "That's a deal breaker, ladies!" Bitter that Jenna isn't giving her any of the credit for this comedic pearl, Lemon crashes Jenna's Time Out New York photo shoot and prop-shticks her way to a solo cover shot. Naturally, this rankles Jenna, but Lemon's too pleased with her "giving birth to a rubber chicken on a toilet" photo to care.
Jack's office. He congratulates Lemon on incorporating more catchphrases into TGS. One in particular, featured in a sketch in which Jenna dresses up (presumably) as Patti Stanger and finger-wag instructs, "That's a deal breaker, ladies!" has really caught on. There are T-shirts! Jack thinks this breakout turn of phrase will be huge for Jenna. Lemon insists it should be big for her, too, since she wrote the sketch, but Jack glosses over that fact. Lemon wonders if he has anything else he wants to talk about. When he holds his tongue, she brings up his daddy issues. He tells her he's resolved not to search for his father. She disagrees with this approach and warns him of the perils of not having a father figure in your life. If you're a Sim, for example, it's a one-way ticket to jumping up and down and peeing yourself.
Jack visits Tracy's dressing room to ask how he feels about not having a father figure in his life. Tracy thinks every man should have a father. This message has special resonance with him of late, because he just discovered he has a long-lost illegitimate son. Tracy says his lovechild tracked him down. At first he was shocked and scared, but it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to him.
Writers' room. Jenna boasts to the writers that Bret Michaels loves her "deal breaker" catchphrase. I'm sure there's a ticket for the gang-bang bus in the mail as we speak. Pete mentions that the guys on Sports Center even used it last night. Jenna practically squeals that she has finally secured a legit claim to fame. Lemon enters as Jenna gloats and has to remind Jenna that she actually wrote the line. As you might expect, it goes way over Jenna's head.
Tracy interrupts to announce that he has an illegitimate son. Yeah, there was a reporter in the room during that whole "dog in sidecar" analogy-cum-mano a mano conversation earlier. The story will hit newsstands in both Black Entrepreneur and Blunts magazine. Tracy notes that he just found out about his bastard son three years ago, and he's been supporting him financially ever since. As luck would have it, he's even brought him to the studio for a little meet-and-greet. Without further ado, Tracy introduces the world (or at least the TGS writers) to Donald Jordan. Though he's dressed the part, I believe that's grey hair I spy around his temples. And he looks not a thing like Tracy. Donald asks Tracy for $1,000, and Lemon eyes him suspiciously.