And now for the jokes, after which you will never look at the word "baby" the same again...
Lemonator 3: Fall of the Machines
Lemon: Hey, Jack, the vending machine's broken.
Jack: I know, I broke it. I needed to speak with you, and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here.
Lemon: You bastard! I trusted you!
Or Relaxed Lemon
Jack: TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron -- like liberal government or female scientist--
Lemon: Or Princeton football.
Jack: We were four and three in Ivy League play last year. Our quarterback Henry Chang-- [Lemon nods at him smugly.] It doesn't matter...
The Trouble with Acronyms
Jack: I spent a lot of political capital buying a new network for Kabletown.
Lemon: Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?
Jack: It's a small cable network targeted towards gay male viewers. It's called TWINKS.
Lemon: That's the name of your network? Isn't "twink" a term for a young, hairless gay man?
Jack: Nonsense. TWINKS is an acronym designed to project a positive gay image. TWINKS -- Television With Individuals... Naive, Kinky, Shaved-- okay...
Hank Hooper: So Jack, how's the baby?
Jack: Baby? Ahhh, yes, Black Asian Bisexual Youths. Those are viewers we want, and TWINKS is going to bring them in.
Hank Hooper: It's not a business question, Jack. I mean your baby -- your daughter.
Jack: Oh, Liddy. She's adorable. My night nurse swears she calls me koskel, which in Trinidadian Creole means "stranger."
Hasselhoff Should Still Star
Jack: Look, Hank, I'm already working on fixing TWINKS. I'm remaking Knight Rider with the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.
Hank Hooper: It's okay, Jack. You made a bad decision and bought something you didn't understand, like when I bought tickets for Black Swan. Remember when a movie was just a fellow with a hat running away from a fellow with no hair?
Jack: Lemon, I've decided to hire Devin Banks.
Lemon: Banks? But he's your nemesis. That would be like me hiring that mouse who keeps pooping in my slippers.
Jack: Devin is the perfect man to fix TWINKS. He's a gay shark, like the actor who played Jaws.
Lemon: But he's going to come in and try to ruin everything, and everything is already ruining itself.
Jack: Not this time. Banks put all of his eggs in the Obama basket. When the administration started to falter because of our conspirac-- I mean... Obama's ineptitude, he tried to distance himself publicly from, uh, your president. Then he tried to rejoin us capitalists, showed up at John Paulson's Sweet 16 Billion party. Nobody would talk to him, not even Ira. And he was all, "Oh, I'll just look at these books," then he pretended to get a text and left. And we were all, like, "Whatever, we'll go to IHOP -- and not tell him!" [Laughs meanly.]
Lemon: Where is now?
Jack: I tracked him down to an address in Brooklyn. He's on LinkedIn, Lemon. He might as well be dead!