And now for the jokes, after which you will never look at the word "baby" the same again...
Lemonator 3: Fall of the Machines
Lemon: Hey, Jack, the vending machine's broken.
Jack: I know, I broke it. I needed to speak with you, and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here.
Lemon: You bastard! I trusted you!
Or Relaxed Lemon
Jack: TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron -- like liberal government or female scientist--
Lemon: Or Princeton football.
Jack: We were four and three in Ivy League play last year. Our quarterback Henry Chang-- [Lemon nods at him smugly.] It doesn't matter...
The Trouble with Acronyms
Jack: I spent a lot of political capital buying a new network for Kabletown.
Lemon: Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?
Jack: It's a small cable network targeted towards gay male viewers. It's called TWINKS.
Lemon: That's the name of your network? Isn't "twink" a term for a young, hairless gay man?
Jack: Nonsense. TWINKS is an acronym designed to project a positive gay image. TWINKS -- Television With Individuals... Naive, Kinky, Shaved-- okay...
Hank Hooper: So Jack, how's the baby?
Jack: Baby? Ahhh, yes, Black Asian Bisexual Youths. Those are viewers we want, and TWINKS is going to bring them in.
Hank Hooper: It's not a business question, Jack. I mean your baby -- your daughter.
Jack: Oh, Liddy. She's adorable. My night nurse swears she calls me koskel, which in Trinidadian Creole means "stranger."
Hasselhoff Should Still Star
Jack: Look, Hank, I'm already working on fixing TWINKS. I'm remaking Knight Rider with the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.
Hank Hooper: It's okay, Jack. You made a bad decision and bought something you didn't understand, like when I bought tickets for Black Swan. Remember when a movie was just a fellow with a hat running away from a fellow with no hair?
Jack: Lemon, I've decided to hire Devin Banks.
Lemon: Banks? But he's your nemesis. That would be like me hiring that mouse who keeps pooping in my slippers.
Jack: Devin is the perfect man to fix TWINKS. He's a gay shark, like the actor who played Jaws.
Lemon: But he's going to come in and try to ruin everything, and everything is already ruining itself.