30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Michael Neal: C | Grade It Now!
Life Makes You Sweet Food
Lemon is still on a high because of the baby encounter and waves hello to complete strangers as she walks outside the offices of 30 Rock. She pats a boy on the head in front of her who is waiting for the walk sign. The boy turns around and scares the shit out of me. I thought I was watching The Unborn for a second. It's a midget! Just kidding, but yeah it's a midget. At this point I am really doing Peter Dinklage a huge disservice, and I know it. I went for a cheap, and probably ineffective, laugh. Dinklage is a fine actor and if you haven't seen The Station Agent do so soon. Lemon quickly hides that she's mistaken a midget for a small child by agreeing to have coffee with him. Inside the building, Jenna charges into Jack's office dressed as Janis Joplin. She's not only dressed like Janis Joplin, she is Janis Joplin. That trips her up at the beginning when she says "She should be my understudy. I mean, she should audition for me... but I'm me now, actually." Jack cuts her off. He loves the idea. "Synergy," he says. Back over to Lemon, she and the midget are wrapping up their coffee date. This guy has it on the ball. He works for the United Nations, and it gives him the power to hail livery cabs, sight unseen. The two make a second date, but afterwards Lemon expresses to Jenna her serious misgivings. As much as she likes the midget's company it's almost certain that she will find a way to screw it up. "What if I do something stupid like order a tall coffee or talk about my Nintendo Wii."

Jack sits down with Tracy and his wife to finalize the terms of their post-nup. If Tracy leaves her in a divorce, Angie is entitled to $80,000 dollars. By the way, Tracy is wearing a top hat made out of money. She agrees to sign the contract, because, the way she sees it, she's going to be with Tracy until the very end. "I'm going to watch you die Tracy Jordan." The sentiment moves Tracy on a below the gut level (crotch). He stops his wife from signing the contract. They both stand up. "This is happening Jack." The "this" is the two of them -- Tracy and Angie -- doing it on Jack's desk. Jack, Grizz, and DotCom all flee the room.

Jack tells Lemon he wants Jenna to sing a Janis Joplin song at the top of the next episode of The Girlie Show. They walk and talk until arriving upon Kenneth's desk. Kenneth is talking to Stuart the midget. "So Stuart, what's it like living under a bridge?" "Kenneth!" scolds Liz. "Hey Liz. I was just telling him about my new apartment in Williamsburg. Under the bridge," says Stuart. Then he and Jack have a cock off. Jack hazes Stuart for working at a place he thought had been turned into a Barnes & Noble. Stuart asks if he, and the other guys in corporate America, have learned how to ask "You want fries with that?" in Chinese? It earns their mutual respect. Stuart is United Nations High Commissioner on water temperature and food taint. They probably wrote that joke months ago but we hear it on a week when the word taint has been used more than on Rush Week at a state college. Then Tracy and Angie stroll in, post-coital, praising Jack for bringing them closer together. Angie blows Tracy a kiss, and then Tracy decides to get closer, again -- even closer -- to his wife, in the hallway, in front of people, especially Kenneth. They start sexing on Kenneth's desk and everyone in the hallway flees. Kenneth is afraid to move. He turns his back and clutches a phone. On the opposite end, Frank looks on from a distance, wearing a hat that reads "Night Chicks." Jenna is about to give a condescending speech to the show's writers when she is interrupted by an Access Hollywood report about the Janis Joplin movie. According to the report, Julia Roberts and Martin Scorsese will also be making a Janis Joplin biopic. Never mind how awful that movie would be, Jenna is not at all happy. I pause the television and add the movie Infamous to my Netflix queue.

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30 Rock




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