Jack arrives home, greeted by Elisa. She tells him he has a package. It's a pair of gold shoes. They're a thank you gift from Tracy. He explains to Elisa that the gift is because he helped Tracy arrange a pre-nup agreement, but that it backfired when Tracy and his wife fell back in love. He sounds none too pleased by the turn of events and Elisa calls him on it. "What is ridiculous about love?" she asks. Jack tells her he doesn't require that amount of emotional dependability from a mate. Then he leaves to eat and have sex with a Fox News anchor -- not necessarily in that order. Lemon is also on a date. She and Stuart stop at an Indian doughnut stand for food. I have never seen an Indian doughnut stand, by the way. Don't go to New York expecting to see one. As the cook prepares a doughnut, apparently, cooked over a fire, Lemon hugs Stuart away from a stove fire. "Are you trying to pick me up to keep me from catching fire?" he asks. "Kiss me," says Lemon, but Stuart doesn't bite. She admits to Stuart that when they met she thought he was a little boy, and then she indirectly calls him a weirdo. He calls it off and walks home. "Be careful crossing the road!" Lemon can't help herself from telling him. The mom force is strong in this one. The name Stuart has to be a quiet nod to Stuart Little by the way. I just thought of that. Back to Jack's date, he and the Fox News anchorwoman sit at a fancy restaurant. He excuses himself to go use the bathroom. As he zips up in front of the urinal, Jack pauses curiously, as if he just heard a woman in distress and was, in fact, the Man of Steel. He walks over to the sink, still with pained curiosity on his face. The bathroom attendent offers him a towel. "I have something on my ball." You don't hear that everyday, unless you're me and like to eavesdrop doctor's offices.
Finding a lump on your balls -- it's not that it's embarrassing. That's the wrong word for it; it sucks. Keep in mind they don't show Jack's balls. So don't get mad at your TiVo ladies. Lumps on balls give men the yips by the way, and that's putting it mildly. What do you think causes a golf slump? Jack is nervous and sleepless the next morning when Elisa walks in. She convinces him to confide in her about his medical condition. In response, she puts her hand down his pants to check the lump. Keep in mind she's a nurse. She grabs his... (laughing sorry) ... she grabs his, uh... (laughing) okay... she grabs his balls. (BALLS!) Her hand down his pants, they make small talk. "Plans for the weekend?" asks Jack. Elisa is going to her niece's debutante "ball" in Prospect Park. She tells him to go see a doctor. "Thanks for telling me what I already know. You should work for the Huffington Post." Who wrote that line? Whomever you are, take a bow. Elisa suggests that Jack talk to his friends and family but he shrugs it off with an "I'm fine." "Don't try to be a senor macho solo," cautions Elisa, but Jack will handle this alone.
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