WHAT AH YOU WEARINNNNNNNNNG?!?!?!?!
Jack: You know your little problem makes sense, Lemon. You have more sexual hang-ups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried.
Lemon: What?
Jack: That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.

And Who Knows How Fudgie the Whale Would React
Kenneth: Here's your money back, ma'am. Boy, they sure are making a lot of mistakes over there today.
Jenna: Do you really not understand what we're doing?
Kenneth: Of course I do, we're standing here talking, adding brick after brick to our friendship castle so it someday reaches the sky!
Jenna: With Carvel, Kenneth. We're conning them. I'm ordering messed up cakes and getting them free with my card, then you're returning them for cash. We're selling back free cakes.
Kenneth: But Ms. Maroney, that's wrong. And illegal! If Cookie Puss knew, he'd tear us apart with his fangs.

Scam I Am
Kelsey Grammer: Kenneth, we have a new con -- we're going to go down to Florida, open up a medical supply store, then get some Social Security numbers.
Jenna: Through seduction!
Kenneth: I'm sorry, sir-ma'am, I'm out.
Kelsey Grammer: What? Why?
Kenneth: Because Ms. Maroney was wrong. People did get hurt by our actions. And, yes, my family could use a couple hundred more dollars. But it's not right.
Kelsey Grammer: A couple hundred dollars? I think I could help you out. But first I'm gonna need 50 to get started. [Kenneth reaches for his wallet.]
Jenna: Kelsey, no. I'm proud of you, Kenneth. You've got a good heart. I hope you get into a car accident some day so I can have it.

Fight or Flight
Lemon: Well, it's been a pretty rough day, but at least we're in Newark now.
Jack: What are you going to do about Carol?
Lemon: I'm going to break up with him, let him off the hook.
Jack: That would be a mistake. Yes, you are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs, but you deserve someone like Carol in your life, and he deserves you because -- and I'm only going to say this once a decade -- you're great. You're Liz Lemon, damn it. In certain lights, you're an eight -- using East Coast, over-35 standards, excluding Miami.
Lemon: Thanks, Jack.