Before they start rolling, Jack looks at a jar of jelly beans on the craft services table and apologizes to it, symbolically apologizing to Reagan for failing. He starts to tell the director about how Reagan's aides used his favorite jelly beans to help him through his early years with Alzheimer's. Suddenly, Jack is struck by inspiration. He hands over the jar of jelly beans for Tracy to chew so his mouth is moving when Jack mimics his voice and delivers the line: "Boys & Girls Clubs of America -- Be Great!" One problem down, one to go, Jack runs back to the cab to find Lemon.
30 Rock. Kenneth talks on the phone and says consolingly, "Don't you worry, I'm sending money so you can get your operation." Pause. "Now can we put a human on the phone?" He loses his connection and continues filling out the envelope in which he plans to send his family money. His dreams are dashed when Jenna returns to tell him she's been figured out and banned from Carvel ice cream for life. Kenneth grows frantic. His face hardens as he suggests they consider a con that's more long-term. Jenna is at once frightened and turned on, which is pretty much her day-to-day cocktail of emotions if you believe all the Mickey Rourke stories.
They enlist Kelsey Grammer, whose only stipulation is that if anyone gets hurt during the scam, they leave him or her behind to die. With that point agreed upon, they gleefully start researching their hustle. A bit later, they hand Pete a skit they claim Lemon wrote before leaving with Jack. Coincidentally, it's an ice cream eating contest for which they'll need at least 20 cakes. Kelsey happily volunteers to sort the cakes out. He orders 21 cakes for the "Frajer Reunion 2010," then signals to his cohorts as they watch outside. Kenneth gets the invoice from Carvel signed and collects his reimbursement from Pete. Once the typo is spotted, Kelsey returns one of the cakes intact and collects his refund for all of them from the Carvel store, dramatically threatening to throw his tossed salad and scrambled eggs at the cashier. Well, at least now he knows what to do with them. It's a win-win, really.
The moment he leaves, the cashier opens up a second cake box to find it empty, then another, then another. She realizes she's been had, looks up at the sky, pumps her fist, and yells, "FRAAAAAJERRRRRR!" Back at 30 Rock, the Tricks and Treats Trio gloat at their two-time success to the tune of $800.
Elsewhere, Jack finds Lemon on a lonely side street under the bridge. She's convinced that he can't help her, but he tries to assure her that sex is beautiful. Just then, a mangy old hooker walks up to them and offers them all sorts of services running the gamut from dog humping to girl-on-girl and legless lovin'. Jack pays her to leave them alone, so she stumbles off and falls into an open car window. Lemon maintains that sex is horrible. Jack's phone rings. It's Jonathan, congratulating him on a perfect day of Reaganing and telling him about all the presents that have arrived at the office. Jack tells Jonathan to send them all back because he's failed.
Over in Midtown, Kenneth deposits the money for his family in a mail box. On his way back to 30 Rock, he runs into the Carvel cashier, who is throwing her apron away. She says she was fired because Kelsey Grammer scammed her and vows to go back to work "under that bridge." He returns to Jenna's dressing room, where she and Kelsey are still reveling in their $266.67 apiece and are planning the next angle. Kenneth tells them he's out because their actions have hurt others. The others take it pretty well, though they will have to rough Kenneth up since he's leaving their "Best Friends Gang."
Newark Airport. Jack urges her not to break it off with Carol because they deserve to love and be loved. He pays her a rare compliment, then urges her to take Carol in an airport bathroom and get it in. She worries she'll never be able to overcome her problem if she couldn't do it in Vegas. Jack puts two and two together and realizes Lemon's problem stems directly from reminders of Tom Jones. She feels tremendously better now that they've isolated the problem. She says Jack's better than Reagan and runs into the terminal chanting, "USA! USA! USA!" Then runs right back out when she realizes Carol's actually at JFK, not Newark. Back into the limo!
Bonus! Another clip reel of Lemon's most notorious sexual misadventures. It's as good a lead-in to the jokes as any. Jenna asks, "How was the sex?" Lemon answers, "Fast and only on Saturdays. It's perfect! ... I have been sexually rejected by not one but two guys who later went on to clown college. ... And one time at summer camp, I kissed a girl on a dare, but then she drowned! ... He was the first dead guy I ever kissed. ... Standing up? What? How does that even work?" Then there are some exchanges with Jack in which he touches on her Achilles' Heel words -- "pleasure" and "climax." Groans Lemon, "Aaaaaah." And away we go!
Reality's New Highs Is Coincidentally It's New Low
Jack: Listen, Greg, I've got the next big reality show -- we put a bunch of people on plane, fly them over the Atlantic, then Tom Bergeron comes out and reveals that the pilot is a six-year-old boy. We call it Child Hell Flight!