30 Rock

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Michael Neal: B | Grade It Now!
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Losing Your L.U.N.C.H.

Jack walks into Lemon's office with two almost identical pictures of himself. "Which one do you like?" he asks. Lemon is bewildered but picks the left one. "So the wacky one?" says Jack. The picture is needed because Jack is giving the keynote address at the "Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward," and is very nervous. He hasn't seen his fellow higher-ups since he left the company and went to work for the Bush administration. Lemon reminds him that he never told her what happened to him in Washington. Cut to: a flashback of Jack in a war room. The site where the gay bomb exploded. He grabs the man next to him, who looks like Dick Cheney, whispers "Please be gentle," and starts to draw him near. Back to present day. Lemon tells Jack he has camp jitters. Jack agrees, and then persuades Lemon to tag along and help calm his anxious nerves.

Jenna walks into the writer's room to announce that, in order to prepare for her upcoming role as Janis Joplin, she will be employing the "method" method of acting. At her request, the staff is to address her as Janet Jopler, or Jaime Jimplan (for legal reasons). By the way, has Eugene Mirman always been a writer at TGS? The opportunity does not escape Frank. He tells Jenna she should do her Joplin research on Wikipedia, "because people are finding out new things about Janis Joplin everyday." Jenna loves the suggestion, but as soon as she leaves, Frank starts updating the Janis Joplin Wikipedia page with factual inaccuracies, like "Janis Joplin speed walked everywhere and was afraid of toilets."

Tracy is in Dr. Leo Spaceman's office. He's just had a checkup and asks the doctor about his health. "I don't know how to say this..." Tracy's face drops. "Dee-ah-bah-tees?" half-asks the doctor. Spaceman tells Tracy that, unless he makes lifestyle changes, he will become diabetic. Spaceman warns Tracy that he could possibly lose a foot from the disease. "Could I replace it with a wheel like Rosie from The Jetsons?" Spaceman's answer is yes, but then he'd have to register at the DMV. Who wants that?

Jack is at the hotel of the company retreat, talking to himself in the mirror. He's psyching himself up before he has to meet the Sigma Six. "It's winning time, you magnificent son of a bitch," is what he tells himself. "Make mommy proud of her big boy because he's the best." Lemon overhears it, and offers her own words of encouragement. She does the same thing in the mirror before going to a party. At the lobby of the hotel, Jack and Lemon first lay eyes on the Six Sigma: Six older, balding white men. They are the corporate titans of the largest electric appliance/artificial adornment manufacturer on the planet. Larger even than the Kenmore Eye Patch conglomerate. If that existed. Jack walks over to greet them in the way of a successful man: "Men. If I had known your wives were alone, I would have stayed in New York." They all turn around, but say nothing. Just before it starts to get really uncomfortable, though, they all let out a laugh, from the gut so that you know it's for real. Jack is quickly whisked away by the six titans and leaves Lemon alone with two nerdy assistants named Prashant and Joan. They ask what her level is. They're both M7's. Lemon explains she isn't any level, and is here for support. "J?" asks Prashant.

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30 Rock

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