In Which We Learn Tracy Has Felt Up a Mermaid
Tracy: I blame you and Dot-Com! You two have built a protective shell around me like a hermit crab... or a mermaid booby. And now I've lost touch with the common man!
Happens to Me All the Time!
Tracy: Hey, Raleigh! You ever lose your remote control?
Tracy: And then your wife start gettin' mad because the roof won't close, and the bed that's in the shape of your face is gettin' rained on! Hahaha. [Perplexed look from Raleigh.] Can I feel the rough skin on your hands?
How To Lose Friends and Alienate People
Tracy [Approaches a lady on her phone]: Hello, fellow human being. Would you like to ask me what time it is?
[Approaches an Asian lady] Are you a large child or a small adult?
[Approaches a man] You look regular. Could I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Craigford? Is it swimming?
[Approaches a rickshaw driver] Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
[Asks random passers-by] Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
Approaches a hot dog vendor] I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer, and some of my wife's rice to stay.
[Running at another man] Excuse me, sir, do you want to hold hands with a Black millionaire?
[To no one in particular] Does anyone want to be my friend? [Throws hands up.] I'm normal!
Top Level Strategy, People... This Is How It's Done
Jack: Lenny, this Page strike is an embarrassment to the company.
Lenny: I get it. It's like I tell my assistant -- "Your weight is a reflection on me."
Jack: I can't have that apple-cheeked goon outside screaming about my bonus. What are my options?
Lenny: Let me ask you a question, Mr. Donaghy. How do you kill a snake?
Jack: [Knowing smile.] Cut off the head.
Lenny: Of course! Thank you. Now I won't be afraid to go into my garage.
Tragedy Befalls Lemon
Lemon: Has anyone seen my wallet? It's an L.L. Bean child's wallet from the 1970s. There was no money in it, but I was one hole-punch away from a free Tasti D-Lite. Damn it to Hell, I hate my life!
The Page-y Doth Protest Too Much
Kenneth: Attention! Attention, everyone! I am happy to report that Local 415 has joined our cause!
Lenny: I think we should just give up! [Covers mouth with hand and raises voice.] Yeah, Brandon's right!
Kenneth: They are a blanket union. That includes mall Santas, horse whisperers and bucket drummers!
Lenny: Hey, dudes! I'm organizing a viral protest on Tweeter and YouTubes. If anyone wants to get in on that, just write down your social security numbers.