30 Rock. Cerie and Lemon go over her Christmas gifts. She's foregoing the skinny jeans for Pete and giving him a Cheese of the Month Club subscription. For Jenna, a jigsaw puzzle of her latest nip slip. For Jack, she's drawing a blank. They've never exchanged gifts before and wonders if it's even necessary. Cerie encourages her.
Lemon heads upstairs to Jack's office, where he is taking a profile picture for YouFace, the hot new social networking site the company has acquired. Lemon broaches the idea of exchanging Christmas presents. The suggestion horrifies Jonathan, but Jack's game. Lemon asks what he wants, explaining that her family members usually just tell each other what they want, and everyone ends up happy. Jack nixes that notion, saying that gift giving is an expression of friendship. They must conjure up what they know about each other and find a gift from there. Lemon guesses that means "bath salts in a coffee mug would be... not it." Credits.
Downstairs, Pete solicits donations for the cleaning ladies' Christmas gift. Danny signs up, but Jenna says she's "doing her own thing this year." I suspect something mind-blowingly vain and useless. Pete grouses about how Jenna doesn't ever chip in because the card implies that everyone helped out. He considers sticking it to her but instead decides to go drink his sorrows away at the Grand Central Oyster Bar.
Over in Lemon's office, Jack comes in to explain that his high school crush Nancy Donovan contacted him on YouFace. Lemon commiserates that she used to have a major crush on Larry Wilcox from CHiPs, and it got "pretty real." Jack marvels that he hasn't seen this woman in 25 years, and now she's trying to reconnect. Jack wonders what it means, so Cerie helps them navigate her page. They learn that her relationship status has gone from "Married" to "Working On It." Meanwhile, Lemon is still trying to type in the address of the site on her computer, only to discover that social networking site YouFace has no hyphen in it. Porn site You-Face does.
Writers' room. Lutz sprints in to warn everyone that Kenneth is coming to force them to draw for Secret Santa. Frank and Toofer moan about Kenneth's insistence on playing such a confusing game that involves giving. Then Kenneth enters the room Godzilla-style, crushing a miniature house as he comes and swatting at ornaments in his Santa hat. Naturally, a token Japanese TGS writer crawls out of the woodwork to scream and flee along with the others. The only ones left are Frank, Toofer, and Lutz. Kenneth asks them if they'll participate, wherein they make up an entire religion just to get out of the game. They claim to be strict Verdukians, they claim, and therefore don't believe in Christmas. What they do believe in is the healing power of root beer, bisexual polygamy, and the high holy day of MerlinPeen. Kenneth wishes them a good MerlinPeen without a shadow of doubt across his chipmunk-like face.