What? No pies in the face this week? Brilliant one-liners will have to do, I guess:
If I don't get at least 18 hours I'm a basket case
Jack: Lemon, you're here early.
Lemon: Well I gave up caffeine so I've been going to bed at 5:30.
Sheinhardt's corporate profile
Lemon: Wait, isn't she that congresswoman who's...
Jack: Trying to destroy this company for allegedly turning some children orange? Yes, and therein lays the dilemma. This corporation has a very strict bros before hos policy.
No wonder Shaq hates Kobe
Animated Tracy: Boy, I hope we rescue the starfish king on this adventure.
Animated Shaquille O'Neal: It'll be a slam dunk.
Animated Tracy: Would you call what we did last night sex?
Tracy's valuable time
"I spent 2 days making that movie from my home and what did I get? A million dollars, a yellow Bentley, and nothing!"
A movie worth its weight in yellow Bentleys
Tracy: I spent nine months in Japan filming Samurai-Am Awry.
Your Ex-O is a deadbeat
Frank: My mom's a great lady.
Toofer: Oh, was it her greatness that made your dad leave?
Frank: He didn't leave. He's a submarine commander running silent
Mad Men #1
C.C.: I'm not going to apologize for being ambitious Jack.
Jack: You shouldn't. I like it when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes.
On the next Nip/Tuck
Jenna: I'm going to get my eyeballs whitened.
Carville channels Carville
"Jack, is it really the opinion of others that you're worried about or are you learning something new about yourself and you find that a little scary? ...Cajun style."
Mad Men #2
Jack: (to the executive dinner crowd) Gentlemen. Token ladies. I have an important announcement.
And by "murdered," I just mean "loved her very much"
"I murdered my wife."