I know that a werewolf bar mitzvah is the day when a boy becomes a man, but what day is it called when a man becomes an old man? For me, I guess Saturday. I threw my back out last Saturday. But it was for a noble cause; I did it trying to haul my new (used) 27-inch TV up a flight of stairs in my three-story walk up. A day later I was staring at an email from my mother telling me to go here and to order it on her credit card. I'm 32.
But I persevered and now my old television, which was like watching reel footage of Mars from the reflection on a glass of milk, has been replaced by a brand used High Def-ish quality set.
So so so crystal clear can I see Pete watching a soon-to-be referenced TV movie on Lemon's couch. Lemon walks to the smell of maple syrup. She calls Tracey, and we get a split screen where Lemon is wearing glasses and Tracy is wearing Rerun's clothes from What's Happening. She reminds him to practice his Rerun dance for an upcoming sketch, but he can't concentrate because the smell of maple syrup on his block is making him horny. Weird, because he lives all the way in Jersey. Call waiting. It's Jack. Now he and Lemon share the split screen. According to my High Def-ish, he's reading the book A Republican Way of Life, and according to an Amazon search that book does not exist...either that, or it was published by Hachette. Anyway, Jack informs her of the maple syrup smell but tells her not to panic -- it's more than likely a Staten Island food manufacturing plant and not Northrax, a chemical agent that smells exactly like maple syrup and takes ten seconds to kill you. As they wait for impending death, Tracy pops back up in the now tri-screen, practicing his patented Rerun dance moves. I'm particularly giddy about the maple syrup anecdote because, as a New Yorker, I and half the city went through this very same olfactory alarm last year, as Gawker Media can attest.
Arriving home on a following day, Lemon eyes a small package in front of her apartment door: "All right, subscription shampoo!" But the package is addressed to her next door neighbor, a Mr. Raheem Haddad. She knocks on his door in order to return it, and out pops one of the few things still funny about SNL, vet Fred Armissen (can you believe how awesome Boyd Tinsley's ass is?). Raheem "Fred" Dream snatches the package away from Liz.