Who got to decide that Cupid is the international symbol of Valentine's Day? Cupid is, of course, the Roman god of beauty and erotic love. "Erotic" is what a Vermont librarian mouths to herself about the high-schooler, working as a clerk, at the General Store when her husband Roy isn't paying attention. Then she stares at him in the store from the passenger seat of Roy's pickup, and somehow lives off that for the next 20 years of marriage. What I am saying is that Cupid is really the God of the Lifetime Channel. Eros is where it's at: Greek, nimble, the son of Aphrodite and Ares... He's a lover and a fighter. Most importantly, he's the primordial god of lust, love and intercourse. Now that's a title. Boom! Just let it lay there in front of you. Intercourse. You know how many times they used the word "intercourse" on the Oxygen network last year? Once, in a documentary about Elayne Boosler. So there you have it: my Valentine's Day riff. It's a touch more cerebral than, say, Andrew Dice Clay: "Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with a reduced sense of self-worth." It's that kind of thing.
Lemon and Dr. Baird run into each other in the lobby of their apartment building and make date plans. Dr. Baird suggests they go out on Friday, but it's no good for Liz because of TGS. She recommends Saturday, and Dr. Baird appears a little off-kilter: "Okay, that doesn't have to be weird." Lemon doesn't understand the reluctance until his very next comment: "Valentine's Day it is." She recoils in regret, and then rues her mistake. "Saturday is Valentine's Day? Nords!"
"It's so sexy when you say that," says Jack, but not to Liz. He's talking to Elisa, who repeats, "Your mother has gone back to Florida." The two of them are entwined on his couch, eating McFlurries, in celebration of his mother's departure from his house. They talk of their love of McFlurries, but for Jack it is mere preamble. He tells Elisa that on Valentine's Day they will be served the world's greatest dessert -- the "Lover's Delight" -- at a restaurant named Plunder. The problem is, Elisa has plans. On Valentine's Day, she's already going to be served the world's greatest consecrated wafer at a Catholic church. It's a ceremony called the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Valentine, and, like most any other religious conviction, it's non-negotiable.
Now over to the hallways of 30 Rock: Frank doesn't mind a chick fight, so long as it's not over him. Right now, he's dropping everything to watch three of the show dancers fight over the same guy, and by everything, he means a blind girl. I must pause a moment and ask why a sketch comedy show would have dancers post-1992? TGS never struck me as courting the same audience as In Living Color. Anyway, Frank tells Kenneth to watch after the blind girl, who has been hired to edit reruns. I think that's a joke, but it's not an obvious one. Kenneth turns around and sees a very attractive, redheaded woman struggling to make coffee. It's the blind girl. [a.k.a. Coppertop from Strangers with Candy, who was coincidentally married to Jack McBrayer's character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. - Zach] Kenneth runs over to aid her, and as she turns around the stars fill up in his eyes. She thanks him kindly, and Kenneth absently pours out coffee, missing his cup, onto his shoes. He's so smitten by her that he hardly even notices. The blind girl's nose perks up. "Is everything okay? Because now I smell burnt plastic." As Kenneth silently backs away, Tracy observes the whole painful encounter and nods his head in disbelief.