Jack: "Have you ever made love to a woman, Father?"
Priest (pleading): "C'mon, man."
Lou-see, I'm Home:
Elisa: "I'm so mad at you that I'm yelling at you in Spanish, like Ricky Ricardo!"
The Archbishop of a Stetson Warehouse in Knoxville:
Elisa: "But I saw your photo with the Pope."
Jack: "That's just good business. I have photos with a lot of people: the Dalai Lama, Rabbi Yosef, Toby Keith."
Name in Vain:
Jack: "God wants us to leave here, get a good meal, and go to town on each other."
Elisa: (smacks him) "How can you say something like that so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, the patron saint of judgmental statues?"
You Blew It for All of Us, Jack:
Elisa: "You blew it, Jack, and now you will never see the crazy underwears I have on."
Jack Quite Alone at Plunder:
Waiter: "I'm sorry, is this like a Sixth Sense thing? Should I bring a place setting for your friend?"
The No-Prize Award Winner
In many ways, the waiter had the best moment of the night. Perfect delivery, great line, unexpected, and Baldwin's look at the end was the bow, however tonight's No-Prize goes to Salma Hayek. I know, I wouldn't have thought so either. She's only the *** guest star to ever win the award (I don't know the actual number, and I'm not looking it up). She was committed in this episode, had some funny lines, and her chemistry with the Jack character is surprisingly authentic. Also, look at her -- her breasts are insane. This is not just me talking and being a big pig about it; they poked fun at it the entire episode. Body parts played a part here.