Alas, Poor Lutz!
Frank: Stop! Stop filling Jenna's wigs with raw shrimp!
Toofer: Why?
Frank: We need to pretend to be Jenna's friends for the next 24 hours. She's our ticket to a gay Halloween.
Lutz: How come when Jenna suggests it, everybody's on board?

Stay Classy, Stone Mountain
Local News Anchor: In metro news, Mary Hilton is goin' ta Gaffney fer the weekend and hopes that Martha or Stephanie will water her plants.
Lemon: Very small town. [Hears a knock on the door]
Jack: Morning, Lemon. I brought you a ginger ale.
Lemon: Schwupps Ginny Pale? This place is the worst!
Jack: Don't worry, we're leaving. Our work here is done.
Local News Anchor: Entertainment news -- local funnyman and sub shop owner Rick Wayne has been hired by a Catholic to appear on TGS with a black fella.

Breakfasts of Champions
Lemon: Stop calling them simple! You know what? You're the prejudiced one. Sure, some of these people are simple. But some of them are smart like Matlock. Or wholesome like Ellie May Clampett. And some of them are skeevy dirt bags like the Dukes of Hazzard, driving around like maniacs -- children use those roads! My point is that Americans are the same everywhere, in that we are all different!
Jack: You're wrong, Lemon. These people are better, purer. You know what I did this morning? I assisted in the birth of a foal. They named it Jack. And it was delicious... I know what I'm doing here, Lemon. We're hiring Rick and Pumkin.
Lemon: We're not hiring anyone until I see them.
Jack: Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper that you found on the beach?

Celebrity Rubric
Jimmy Fallon: Hi, I'm trying to get to Studio 6B from here. I'm still finding my way around.
Tracy: You look clean. You a celebrity?
Jimmy Fallon [cocky]: I have my own show on NBC...
Tracy: No. A celebrity.
Jimmy Fallon [dismayed]: I was in a movie with Queen Latifah once....

Post-Chuckle Heckling
Lemon: Pete, I'm not going to let this happen.
Pete: But what can you do?
Lemon: Well, Jack says I'm just an obnoxious New Yorker, so that's what Rick Wayne is gonna get tonight, and it's gonna get ugly.
Pete: Oh my God, you're going to heckle him. Like that time I invited you to see my cover band.
Lemon: Yeah. And today the world is better off without the Pete Hornberger Allen Parsons Project Project. I may be dehydrated. I may still be working a little chuckle out of my system, but don't worry. When I'm done the last thing Rick Wayne and Pumkin are going to want to do is come to New York.