30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
Smack Talk for Dummies

Lemon: Yeah. And today the world is better off without the Pete Hornberger Allen Parsons Project Project. I may be dehydrated. I may still be working a little chuckle out of my system, but don't worry. When I'm done the last thing Rick Wayne and Pumkin are going to want to do is come to New York.

Anti-Heckling & The Human Condition 101
Emcee: Stone Mountain's own Rick Wayne and Pumkin!
Lemon: All right, you asked for it...
Rick Wayne: Good ev'nin', ever'one. How y'all doin'? [The mic bobbles, producing feedback.]
Lemon: Hey! It's your first time doin' this?
Rick Wayne: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was filthy, thin-lipped hooker night here at the Laugh Factory.
Lemon: Okay. I underestimated you...
Rick Wayne: Knock knock! Who's there, Pumkin?
Pumkin: A ferret-faced skank!
Rick Wayne: Yep, I see her, too!
Lemon: Get a job, hayseed!
Pumkin: Are you still talkin'? You are one mouthy bitch. I don't go down to where you work and stop them from milkin' you!
Jack: I'm sorry, but that's enough, sir. You're out of line.
Pumkin: I'll tell you what's out of line: Your old lady's knockers. Good lord, woman! I wouldn't fuck you with Elmo's pecker.
Jack: Rick, Pumkin, what are you doing? A gentleman -- whether he's human or somehow more than human -- does not speak to a lady like that. You two are wholesome and decent.
Pumkin: Oh, I get it. You think 'cause we talk like this, we're all simple and quaint. Well, I'm an amateur astronomer, and Rick's Black wife speaks French.
Rick: Her name's Jamillah.
Lemon: See, I told you, there's no "real America."
Pumkin: You shut that dog rectum you call a mouth.
Lemon: Yes, sir.
Jack: Why are you people laughing at this? You're supposed to be better, nicer. But you're terrible, you're all terrible. Just like the people in New York!
Crowd: Boooooo!
Lemon: All God's children are terrible.

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30 Rock




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