Lemon learns two rather important things this episode: 1.) Don't drink Frank's sun tea (it's piss!) and 2.) Her apartment is turning into condos. As for the latter, Lemon weighs staying in her own apartment and facing a sky-high rent increase, or taking Jack's advice and using her Dealbreakers money to expand into the apartment above. She opts for the second choice and finds in the apartment above a hipster (Nate Corddry) named Brian. He invites her to join forces with him and move in, to damn the man. She agrees, secretly planning to drive him out at the first opportunity.
Jenna suggests scaring Brian off with girly drama. Her attempt to do so goes terribly awry when she discovers he's gay and, thus, thrives on drama. So Lemon takes Tracy's advice and enlists Dot Com to play her "crazy black boyfriend" and scare Brian with his terrifying… ummmm, blackness? Yeah, that doesn't work either because "fight the man" Brian's actually an NYPD cop. Long story short, Dot Com ends up pinned to the floor in handcuffs. When all else fails, Lemon decides to fall back on the tried-and-true combination of inappropriate nudity and "sun tea" making in front of her roomie. As we learned some episodes ago, sometimes you have to dig deeper to make your way up in this world.
Speaking of digging, Jack and Tracy, for very different reasons, are both set on getting vasectomies. Some creative acrosticizing on the part of Tracy Jr. and some doped-up hallucinations thanks to Dr. Spaceman convince Jack and Tracy, respectively, to renege on their decisions. Look for little Donaghys and Traciettas in future episodes.
As for the sun tea, it only serves useful as an extended gag piece as Kenneth tries to reduce the show's carbon footprint -- including but not limited to another visit from Al Gore. Kenneth initially tries to make Lemon give up her mini-fridge. When she resists, Kenneth harkens to Frank as the most sacrificing, eco-friendly person on staff thanks to his recycling efforts turning the "sun tea" into beautiful azaleas. Azaleas, mind you, that Jack will later make Kenneth stick his face in and take a real good sniff. Suck on that, green initiative!
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We open on Lemon, sleeping while a fitness show plays in the background. Ohhhhh, I've been there. Her door opens to a realtor showing the apartment to a young yuppie. The realtor mistakes her for the cleaning lady and tells her to leave, saying, "No Polish." Lemon corrects her, and the realtor informs her that her building is going condo. If Lemon refuses to buy or leave, they'll just hike up her rent to the point she can't afford it. Ah, New York, how I miss you!
Jack's office. Lemon asks him for a minute to discuss her conundrum, but Jack is absorbed by a New York Post headline about Don Geiss' estranged son suing Cathy for the control of the company. He rues families as a general concept and tells Lemon to talk about what she came here for. She tells him how she's being forced out of her apartment. He advises her to use her Dealbreakers money to buy it. She wonders if she should buy a bigger place to plan for a family with her dream-hubby-to-be -- astronaut Mike Dexter. Jack thinks she should do whatever it takes to secure her future. Because "in New York real estate, there are no rules. It's like check-in at an Italian airport." Credits.
Downstairs, Lemon finds Frank peeing in jars she formerly thought were used to make sun tea. Toofer comes in an acknowledges that they have a "gentleman's agreement" re: the sun tea. Lemon wonders what TGS would be like without the feminine touch of her, Cerie and Sue. Quoth Frank: "I'd take my pants off and eat chicken wings." Sounds about right. Lemon tells him to toss the jars.
Upstairs, Jack watches Bertram Geiss on TV vowing to fight his sister to the death. Shouldn't be too hard, since Cathy's lawyer is Teddy Ruxpin. Jack shuts off the TV, and Kenneth walks in. Jack tasks him with a five percent energy reduction at TGS as part of NBC's annual green initiative. Kenneth doesn't really believe in all that "scientist talk" about global warming, but he agrees to do Jack's bidding.
Over at Lemon's building, she knocks on the door of her upstairs neighbor, Brian (Nate Corddry). He has a killer apartment and moans about how all the yuppies in the building have been trying to bribe him to sell his apartment. The guy upstairs even offered him $10,000. Lemon casually slips the $20 bill back into her pocket. He complains about how the neighborhood has gone to chain stores and fancy restaurants. Lemon gets all "Power to the people" with him until she notices that he has a working fireplace. He says it's great, except the flue doesn't work, so it smells like Burger King all day and Cinnabon all night. Lemon bites her lip, lest the sound of ecstasy escape. Mike suggests they team up to fight the powers that be. He tells her he's got room in his extra bedroom. Lemon realizes this is a two-bedroom apartment and faints.