30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
Taking the Piss

Oh, how I love the smell of punch lines in the morning...

Talk to the Geiss
Jack: Don Geiss is my hero, my mentor, a great man. Holding up one finger to get someone to stop talking -- he invented that.
Lemon: I don't think--
Jack [holds up one finger to shush her]: And now! He's being publicly humiliated by his own family. This is why I'm glad I never had children, and why I never will.
Lemon: Oh, Jack, you don't mean that.
Jack: Geiss also invented the abrupt conversational segue... Talk about your thing now.

The Madonna/Gwyneth/Donaghy School of Real Estate
Lemon: I love my building, but if I'm going to buy a place, it should be a big place where I can have a family.
Jack: Then spend some of your Dealbreakers money. Buy two apartments.
Lemon: What?
Jack: You know why my place is so big? When I was first married to my ex-wife, we lived in the basement. Over the years, I kept buying the floors above me to make room for the family I thought we'd have. Well now I have something better than a family: A walk-in humidor, a lap pool and a replica of the Irish pub where my grandmother was born.

Think Global, Poach Local
Jack: Kenneth, I have a task for you.
Kenneth: Is it menial?
Jack: As part of NBC's annual green initiative, TGS has to reduce its carbon footprint. I'm putting you in charge of that effort.
Kenneth: [makes quote fingers] "Global warming," sir? I'm sorry. That's just a bunch of scientist talk. Same people that would have you believe my great-grandfather was a monkey. If he was a monkey, then why was he killed by a monkey?
Jack: You're preaching to the choir, Kenneth. I mean, I love the earth. I have these blossoms flown in every morning from Sri Lanka on a private jet. That's the definition of green. And yet they force us to do more... more sacrifices. Why? For the children. What have children ever done for us?
Kenneth: Well, they make our shoes and wallets.

Kids Say the Effed-Up-est Things
Jack: Tracy.
Tracy Jr.: What's up, Donaghy?
Jack: Tracy Jr., to what do we owe this visit?
Tracy: It's Take Your Black Kid to Work Day.
Jack: Do you ever regret having children?
Tracy: Every day. I thought having family was gon' be like The Cosby Show: "Oh no, Vanessa went to a concert." "Oh no, Rudy and I are making a sandwich for 25 minutes." The Cosby Show was a lie. Having a family can be the worst. For example, I have this strip club story from this weekend I need to tell you, Jackie D. It's disgusting. But I can't because I got this little d-bag here.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7Next

30 Rock




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP