30 Rock

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Everything's Coming Up Kenneth

Back upstairs, Jack asks Lemon for the status of her relationship with Carol. Lemon brags about all her boyfriend's pilot perks, including prompt seating at Chili's and the free WiFi and super-clean bathrooms at the hotel chain where Carol often stays. "I don't know how they get those bathtubs so clean," she says. "They clean them," Jack retorts. He adds that he doesn't think Lemon is really in a relationship since Carol never stays at her house. Eventually they'll have to exit vacation mode and return to real life, with dirty clothes, an open-door bathroom policy, and dreaded redecoration.

Lemon spots that this so-called pep talk is really just Jack projecting his current irritations with Avery onto her. He would like to keep the reddish-brown "Elk Tongue" wallpaper, thank you very much. Lemon says he should tell Avery the truth about his Elk Tongue. Jack parses the subtle power dynamics at play, saying it's a lose-lose situation because any reaction in this response could eventually cause him to lose the upper hand with Avery. He says he's devised a third option: The Fabian Strategy. In the manner of Roman general Quintus Fabius Maximus, he chooses to retreat from all of Avery's advances until she gives up. Lemon sarcastically applauds Jack's choice to cast Avery as his enemy in this scenario. He tells her she's in no position to judge: "Meeting someone in a hotel room twice a month is not a relationship. Just ask any hooker." Lemon cringes at the word "relationship," so Jack throws in her other favorite ("climax") for good measure.

Downstairs, Jenna sits in Pete's office and peruses the line item budget, gleefully noting that "it takes people and turns them into money!" She adds, "Except for Tracy, I'm the most person on the show!" Jenna wonders what's next, so Pete tells her the delicate tightrope he must walk to achieve Jack's budget cutting goals while also keeping his staff happy. Jenna offers to fire Grace from wardrobe. Before Pete can get out the words "heartless monster," Jenna's on her way to make heads roll. She reaches the wardrobe room and lets Grace have it. Grace, by the way, is about 100 years old and has been with NBC since The Jack Parr Show. Jenna doesn't waste a second in kicking Grace out on her old lady ass.

Down the hall, Tracy thinks he spots Kenneth at the water fountain and hurries over to smell the K-man's head. Lemon abruptly stops drinking water to clarify she is wearing "a woman's blazer from a very expensive store called Rico's." Tracy admits his eyes are playing tricks on him. He asks if he's going crazy again and should he get his rainbow wig out of storage. Lemon consoles him that he is not crazy, he just cared for Kenneth and misses him. She suggest Tracy stay calm the next time he hallucinates tell himself that it's not real. "Like the World Cup!" says Tracy knowingly. Meanwhile, you know some real-Kenneth-centered hijinks are going to ensue any moment now. Before that happens, though, Tracy sees Kenneth all around him -- Holding a python! Shining his shoes! Creating a bust of Tracy a la Lionel Richie's "Hello," then joining himself. Two Kenneths! Tracy thinks 30 Rock is too full of memories and runs out to clear his head. And he made it through nearly a full hour at work. Progress!

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30 Rock

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