30 Rock

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Everything's Coming Up Kenneth

Over in the writer's room, Frank asks Lemon a "Would you rather?": Start every sentence with Urkel's catchphrase or be Siamese twins with Sharon Stone for a year. Carol walks in behind, and they simultaneously opt for Urkel. The guys ask Carol questions about piloting, from the Mile High Club to UFOs, the Air Force, and Lutz's "Are you on Facebook?!" Reach for the stars, Lutzy. Reach for the stars.

The non-couple heads into Lemon's office, where Carol gives her a pair of earrings some lady left in the airplane bathroom. He says he couldn't get a room at his usual hotel that weekend and wonders if he can stay with her. She warns him she'll have to go home first to get some plates out of the bathroom. Carol thinks it'll be fun to stay with her all weekend, but Lemon's hesitant about taking the next step. Lemon is surprised that every hotel room in the city is booked up in such a major hotel chain. Carol tells her it's for something called "Jackfest." A suspicious scowl crosses Lemon's faces.

She marches up to Jack's office to read him the riot act for forcing her to move forward with Carol. He says it's for her own good and snarks at her sad, lonely, middle-aged lady-ness. She insists she's happy with her life emulating The Barefoot Contessa, but Jack wins this go-around.

Across town, we finally see the real Kenneth, who has landed a gig (and a blindingly red blazer) as an usher at the Late Show with David Letterman. Tracy walks by fitfully and bumps into him. Kenneth calls out to Tracy, who turns around in alarm, then follows Lemon's advice to remind himself this can't be real. Of course this only makes him look like more of a schizo than before. Stunned and saddened, Kenneth watches Tracy walk away.

That night, Carol and Lemon sit down in front of the television, and what comes on but The Barefoot Contessa? It's one of Carol's favorite things. Lemon adds "sweater weather" to the list, and they finish in unison: "When Muppets present at awards shows." They marvel at how similar their world views are, including but not limited to how to deal with Palestine. Lemon says she thinks their largely separate lives are perfect -- just like Jeffrey and Ina Garten. At their names, Carol bursts into tears. He blubbers that he's not as strong as Jeffrey and needs to know where their relationship is going. Lemon tries to assure him she's not resisting. Carol says he can't live the jet-setter lifestyle anymore, going "from woman to woman to woman" -- all six of them. He blurts out, "I want grown-up love!" then throws his head in her lap. Like a big baby. She pats him uneasily. Well at least he's not asking her to buy a beeper. Or move to Cleveland. Or abide by his wonky Britishisms. Or stare at his beautiful body and Roman statue-esque face all day. Maybe that last one wasn't so bad in hindsight?

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30 Rock

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