30 Rock

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Everything's Coming Up Kenneth

Bonus! Kenneth wistfully watches the end of TGS and bids goodnight to everyone. He confesses to himself that he lied to Tracy and actually misses everyone more than he can admit. As he's talking, Tracy rolls up with a custodial cart. "It's you!" cheers Kenneth. "Sure is," says Tracy, "wanna go kiss in the prop cage?" Whoops, not Tracy. Just some lecherous old janitor. What has two thumbs and a prop cage full of secrets? That guy! Jokeward, ho!

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same
Jack: In order for this merger to stay attractive to our friends at Kabletown, we have to seem like a sexy, profitable company, and we're almost pulling it off. The Harry Potter theme park is a huge hit with both Anglophiles and pedophiles. The movie division has a James Cameron movie the whole world will see whether they like it or not. Only NBC continues to be the engorged whitehead on the otherwise flawless face of Universal Media. Lemon, why are you spending so much money on wigs?
Lemon: Tracy's head size keeps changing.

Jenna's Rider
Pete: Jenna has some crazy stuff built into her contract that kicks in now.
Lemon: Like what?
Pete: "Eye Contact -- Everyone must make eye contact with Miss Maroney at all times." She also gets a producer credit...
Lemon: What?
Jack: Oh, it's just a vanity credit, Lemon -- a low-cost way to make someone feel more important. Like "Executive Producer Ashton Kutcher" or "Secretary of State Hillary Clinton."

Perks and JalapeƱo Poppers
Jack: So how are things with Carol?
Lemon: Good. Did you know that if you're a pilot, Chili's will seat you right away, even if the pilot's dinner companion has just been yelling at the hostess?
Jack: You're the Jackie O. of our time.

Semantics, Orgasmics
Jack: You are not in a real relationship, Lemon.
Lemon: Ugh, I hate that word "relationship." It's almost as bad as "climax."

Separate but Pitiful
Jack: It's for your own good, Lemon. I just want you to have what Avery and I have.
Lemon: I am a grown woman. I have been doing things my way for a long time. I don't like my life stuff mixing with my dude stuff.
Jack: A middle-aged woman saying "dude stuff." Is that on my Sadness Scavenger Hunt? Why, yes it is.
Lemon: Carol and I enjoy our separate-but-intersecting lifestyles. It's perfect. I'm like that woman on the Food Network whose husband only comes home on the weekend, and she spends the rest of her time eating and drinking with her gay friends.

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30 Rock

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