30 Rock

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I'd Rather Have A Dutch Oven

Liz is walking down the sidewalk with some big shopping bags full of colorful plastic gewgaws when Kenneth comes running up behind her and offers to carry a bag. She tells him that she just visited the 5th Avenue flagship of a home storage merchant and purchased everything she needs to make her life complete. "There's a stacker thing to separate your junk mail from your humidifier catalogues, a thing you stick on your laptop that holds your keys, a round plastic deal that holds your shoes, with a pocket for a photograph of what shoes are in there. I'm going to become wonderful. It's a new beginning, like a phoenix rising..." Or, in Liz's case, a nerdy bird being slammed to the ground by a bike messenger. Which is what just happened to Liz. Looking up from the wreckage, she tells Kenneth, "Or, maybe this is gonna be the worst day ever." I think that's always a safe bet. Credits.

Liz walks into the crowded but totally silent writers' room and tells everyone to shut up. Including Lutz, who I'm not sure has had a line in the last several episodes. Liz tells them about how her morning's been going: "Already today, I have lost faith in decorganizing, chipped a tooth, and lost a shoving match to what I thought was a female bike messenger." She's just asking the crew to give her a good 12 to 14 hours of normalcy. Frank enters the room and seconds her request. Except that he's in his underwear; apparently, it's just too hot in his office. She makes him go change. You know, Frank, they wouldn't make you wear pants if you were at Columbia Law. 'Cause that's how they roll. Liz asks Cerie to make her a dentist appointment. But Cerie tells her she can't go today, because she has jury duty. Liz can't figure out how the New York authorities found her, since she's registered to vote in Illinois. It turns out that Cerie changed her voter registration. And then Jonathan enters to tell her that Jack needs to see her about what Tracy and Jenna did during the St. Patrick's Day parade. Did it involve drunkenness?

Liz enters Jack's office. A chastised-looking Jenna and Tracy (both wearing green) are sitting on his sofa. Jack tells Liz that he asked Jenna and Tracy to anchor NBC's live coverage of the parade, but he leaves it to them to explain why it went so very wrong. There's a leprechaun in the room, representing the parade committee. Jenna explains ("As I'm sure you know from reading my blog") that she's been working on her Janet Joppler movie while also filming the TV show, leaving her incredibly sleep-deprived. The leprechaun thinks that's no excuse. Jack runs some footage of the incident: Tracy is doing a not-crappy job of reading the cue cards and announcing the step dancers behind him when Jenna just falls asleep and keels over, knocking over the Irish flag. Tracy (on the video): "Wake up, mother--!" Jack turns off the video before we can finish that thought. The leprechaun stomps out. Jack chastises Tracy and Jenna: "Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day? Is nothing sacred?" Jack tells Tracy that the FCC is fining him personally $50,000 for swearing on live TV. Liz wakes up Jenna and tells her she's spreading herself too thin. Jenna: "I only heard the thin part, Liz." Jack agrees with Liz -- Jenna can't do both the television show and the movie. Jenna instantly chooses the movie, and Jack tells her that the real solution is to cut down on her role on TGS while also cutting back the scope of the movie: "We could cut the lesbian scene." Jenna: "But the Oscars love that kind of thing." By which she means two guys in her gym named Oscar. Liz tells her that she's going to the doctor. As they all leave, Jack tells Liz he wants a calm week downstairs, as he's too busy dealing with the launch of his new lunch-pail-sized microwave oven to deal with any shenanigans. Liz is thrilled at the idea of a pocket microwave, and she's even happier when she sees that it has a "ham" button. "You used my idea!"

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30 Rock

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