30 Rock

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I'd Rather Have A Dutch Oven

Liz asks the imperial guard (a.k.a. the bailiff) how long the trial might last. The bailiff tells her it should last a couple of weeks and then tells her to drop the voice, since her Chicago weirdo act isn't half as weird as the real New Yorkers sitting in the jury room. Liz calls Kenneth. He's thrilled to hear from her, as "the pig spoor has hit the windspinner." Tracy has been going on a live TV cursing streak, Jenna's been drinking toilet water and as for Kenneth, well, "I keep trying to sneeze and nothing comes out." Liz tells him to calm down, and begs him to try not to let anything else bad happen. Kenneth: "I'm in charge."

Dr. Spaceman tells his buxom blonde companion ("Dr. Vicky," I believe) that the lab rat has been pawing the glass of his cage for eight hours. Cut to Jenna, pawing the glass of the studio where they're shooting the Janet Joppler story.

Liz emerges from the elevator. Kenneth is displeased to see her, as that means he is no longer in charge. As she passes, he tears down a poster that declares "No beards or moustaches in the workplace." Liz enters the writers' room and finds it abandoned. She wonders aloud where everyone is. Jack, emerging from the shadows, "They're all dead, Lemon." By which he means, "They're all dead unless they come up with a name for my microwave." He's locked them in his own office to remove them from the distraction of foosball. Liz wonders who's writing the show -- Jack tells her that he's sure she can do it. And then he comes up with half a dozen sketch ideas that are all crap, and yet funnier than most anything on Saturday Night Live this year. And yet, when he asks her for ideas for microwave names, all she can come up with are "the Small Wonder, the Micro Mate, the Porta-Hottie." Jack tells her not even try if she can't be serious. [What? All of those are briliant! - Zach] He also wants her to deal with Tracy; it doesn't matter if he can afford to pay the FCC fines, because his cursing is going to cost TGS all of its advertisers, thereby costing the entire crew their jobs

Liz enters Tracy's dressing room, where she finds him hard at work trying to come up with the most offensive curse words possible. He tries a couple out, and then tosses her a wad of bills to pay his fine. In trying to talk him down, she swears herself, and he holds his hand out so she can pay her fine. She tells him that he's hurting the crew. Tracy: "I don't want to hurt the crew. I love the crew. All we do is joke around together about our stupid boss, Liz Lem..." Liz: "Unless you know an advertiser who really wants to be associated with this, you need to stop." This gives Tracy the idea of buying all the advertising himself so he can say whatever the hell he wants. He calls Kenneth to set up a meeting with the folks in ad sales, and is upset when he learns that Kenneth is no longer in charge.

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30 Rock




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