30 Rock

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I'd Rather Have A Dutch Oven

Jonathan tries to give Jack the message that Tracy wants to meet with him to celebrate his new ad campaign, but Jack shrugs him off so he can work with the writers on a name. It appears that all of their earlier suggestions have been rejected by legal as offensive to someone in some language. Jack thinks they should try to just pull Scrabble tiles from a bag to see what they come up with. The first three letters he pulls are V-A-G. So he starts again, and gets N-I. [He gets a glare from Toofer, which is pretty much the most he's done in the last couple episodes, too. - AC] Seeing where that's going, he decides to pull a handful at once, and gets H-I-T-L-E-R. And then it's time for a break. Jack asks Jonathan to get Liz for him.

Liz is in the jury box when her phone rings. She sees it's coming from the show, and ignores it to focus on the testimony she's hearing. Which is from a Ms. Gawkey, who is describing the horrible day she had at her job managing a Mailboxes Plus on December 17. It seems that she "sent Malik uptown for more 18-inch boxes, but he returned, unrepentant, with 12-inch ones." Also, she suspects that tardy employees Christine and Harry S. were "doing sex with each other." The questioning attorney asks how many people she supervises. Ms. Gawkey: "I supervise 12 employees, most of whom would be unemployable in any other field. They are selfish, irresponsible people who I know talk about me behind my back. They seem to think that their job is wasting my time and energy by making their every miniscule problem my personal responsibility. They don't care. And don't even get me started on Tracy and Jenna!" Lemon was already looking uncomfortable, but that one gives her a start. "And when the last one of them trundled off that night, I smelled the air and I could feel that it was time. Time for a new beginning. And I knew that this was possible only through a cleansing fire. It would all have to burn. The packing peanuts, the delivery slips, all of it would dance in the warm mouth of my fire, and a new better, wonderful me would rise from the ashes like a phoenix. Behold, the splendor of my beginning!" It's too bad she confessed -- from the look on Liz's face, this jury would never have convicted her. The prosecutor rests his case. I rest my case that this was the finest non-famous guest performance ever seen on this show. [Jackie Hoffman is famous... well... maybe only to theater geeks like me. - AC] Commercials.

In his office, Jack announces that desperate times call for desperate measures. He's actually going to take ideas from underlings Jonathan and Kenneth. Jonathan's idea is for a movie that combines action and romance. That's all Jack wants to hear from him -- he asks Kenneth for his ideas for a name for the pocket microwave. Kenneth immediately comes up with "Funcooker." Jack loves it. He sends Jonathan to call legal. And then Jonathan tells him that it's time for the reading of Tracy's apology on television. Cut to an Access Hollywood anchor reading Tracy's statement of apology. And then they cut to a commercial, which features Tracy explaining that he does not really apologize. And then he acts like an advertising robot in order to fill up his thirty seconds. Jack turns off the television; he's not upset, because he has the Funcooker.

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30 Rock

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