30 Rock

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I'd Rather Have A Dutch Oven

In the courthouse, Liz is calling Kenneth to tell him that she'll be able to return to the show within an hour. And then the bailiffs lead Ms. Gawkey past her. Ms. Gawkey: "Where you rushing off to? Work? Not me. I'm gonna have a sandwich in my cell and take a nap. This man [referring to the bailiff] opens doors for me. I'm free. Freer than you. I'm freer than you!"

Dr. Spaceman tells Dr. Vicky that his lab rat, Professor Bananas, is dead. He needs to borrow her car. On stage, Jenna is just putting on her bear outfit. She tells Kenneth that she's doing great. But she wonders, "is your vision steadily narrowing down to a pinpoint, as if the darkness is closing in on you?" That hasn't happened to me since I quit recapping Grey's Anatomy. In a hallway, Jack is watching a monitor, which is showing the scene being set for the "Robot & Bear Talk Show" sketch. Liz runs in, out of breath. Jack tells her that everything is fine. And then, as the sketch goes live, Dr. Spaceman runs through the corridor, screaming, "Jenna needs to sleep or she's going to die!" On the monitor, we see him run onto the set and ask which of the two bears (along with one robot) is Jenna; when one bear raises its paw, he starts smashing the bear's head against the talk-show-set coffee table and shouting for her to go to sleep. [The sketch is instantly funnier than an entire episode of SNL. - Z] It takes a few seconds for this to register with Jack and Liz, and then they run into the control room. Tracy (who is not in the other bear costume or the robot costume) has jumped onto the stage. Liz whispers a prayer that Tracy will cover for Jenna and Spaceman. Instead, Tracy shouts out, "Hey, America! Check out my funcooker!" And then he moons America. He moons America good. Jack can't believe Tracy just used the word "funcooker." Kenneth is standing behind him: "Oh, that's where I've heard that." Jack runs onto the set just in time to get smashed in the face by a stool that Spaceman is using to hit Jenna. And then Liz tells the director to go to commercial. Which, unfortunately, is just another commercial in which Tracy shows America his funcooker in order to fill 30 seconds.

Everyone glumly files into Liz's office for a good lecture. She apparently needs to do something first (maybe speak with Jack?), so she tells them that she'll be with them in a few minutes. Tracy: "Can we get some Diet Slice and pita chips up in here?" Liz closes the door and starts to walk away, but then she sees some matches underneath her Princess Leia costume (which is sitting on a bookcase right outside her office door). She picks up the matches, knocking the costume on to the floor. Her Lifetime-television-movie music plays as she contemplates the cleansing power of a good fire. She even lights a match and watches it dance in the breeze from the air conditioner. But then she comes to her senses and blows it out. Unfortunately, when she throws the no-longer-burning (but still quite hot) match over her shoulder, it lands on her highly flammable, cheap synthetic Princess Leia costume. Which bursts into flame. Liz turns, sees the flames, and exclaims, "Bitenuker!"

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30 Rock

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