NBC's sleeper flop Bitch Hunter offends just about everyone, so the staffers at TGS invite all their moms for a special Mother's Day show. As usual, Colleen is the boldest and best at kicking ass and taking names. She heard through the grapevine that Jack is seeing two women simultaneously and spends much of the episode clucking disapprovingly and mind-fucking Kenneth. Seeing that Jack won't make a decision, she blows the whistle to Avery, who promptly lays down an ultimatum. Jack is furious, but Colleen explains that she's just making sure that someone will be there to take care of playboy Jack after she's gone. Perhaps someone should tend to Kenneth first, though, because Colleen's toyed with him so much, he doesn't remember his own name.
Lemon's mother also spread the message of marriage and stability. Except hers is much grimmer than Lemon hopes. Mrs. Lemon reveals that she was very much in love with a boy named Ed when she was in high school. They humped like bunnies before Ed shipped off to Korea, but when he returned the timing was off. So he took the job he'd been offered at NASA (turns out "Ed" was Lemon's mom's nickname for Buzz Aldrin), and Mrs. Lemon settled for any old Dick. Dick Lemon, that is. Lemon nearly blows her top that not only did her mom pass up the chance to be an astronaut's wife, she also gave up on true love. Determined to find her Mike Dexter, Lemon manages to swing a meet-and-greet with Buzz Aldrin through Jack. But, as we know, Buzz is not only a terrible dancer but also a former raging alcoholic with depression issues. He assures Lemon that her mother missed a lot of bad times by not choosing him. Lemon finds some consolation in this, finally realizing that Mike Dexter is an even more unattainable goal than walking on the moon. She thanks her mom for choosing the right man (and, you know, giving birth to her). In return, Mrs. Lemon begs her to start having babies, stat.
Verna returns for the second half of the "being Jenna's mom" money that Jack promised her some time ago. She doesn't just want it, she needs it, or else she'll be stuck with one high and firm breast, one sagging and floppy breast for the rest of her life. Yep, she got half an augmentation. Always thinking things through that Verna. But collecting the money is harder for her than she could have imagined, as Jenna's less willing to submit to her romper-wearing schemes than she thought. She nearly walks away with one low-hanger until Jack reminds her what's at stake. Verna sucks it up for the sake of her left mammary, and Jenna remains none the wiser.
Tracy might as well have been raised by bar mitzvah-ing werewolves for all he knows about his own mother. He gives such a sketchy description that Pete decides to just hire an actress to play Mrs. Morgan. He finds a perfect candidate in a well-respected but still low-profile Brooklyn actress, but Tracy thinks she's beneath him. They scrap and storm off. After a heart-to-heart with Jenna and a glimpse of the Maroneys' (money-fueled) love, Tracy realizes that he does want a mother, even if she didn't rip her cooch having him. It's a win-win for everyone, really.
30 Rock. Lemon enters Jack's office to get his signature for all the expenses incurred by flying out the TGS staffers' moms for a very special Mother's Day episode. Apparently it's a reparatory measure after NBC re-aired the offensive pilot for Bitch Hunter. Cue more Will Ferrell goodness ("Put the mimosas down, bitch!"). All of this serves to remind Jack that Mother's Day is actually happening, and soon. He freaks out and screams out at Jonathan to get the florist on the phone. But it's too late. Colleen's in his outer office, and she is ready to rub this latest shortcoming in his face pronto. Credits.
Downstairs, Lemon's mom runs across Frank and his mom (the cell phone user-shaming Patti LuPone!), who's bitching that his picture's not on the wall. Frank explains that only the actors' pictures get displayed, but she hands Lemon a picture anyway -- "Here's little Frankie in the bath tub... getting ready for the senior prom." Next up, Lemon finds her own mother (Anita Gillette) putting down some money at the crafts service table. Lemon tells her the food's free, but Mrs. Lemon insists no meal is ever free and to "remember that next time someone buys you an expensive meal." Lemon grumbles that such an event is a rarity. They walk down the corridor when in trucks Verna (Jan Hooks), who foregoes the usual pleasantries in favor of a sexual assault confession (and Scottie Pippen no less!). That's our Verna!
Meanwhile, Pete pops into Tracy's dressing room to inform him his mom, much like Tracy himself most of the time, is MIA. Would you believe that the show couldn't find her based on Tracy's detailed information ("Her name might be Cheryl, and she was wearing a red shirt in 1984.") Pete offers to hire an actress to play her. Tracy's game as long as he can "see a list of names -- like when they was looking for John McCain's running mate." He laughs and says he's kidding. Then gets stern, saying that unlike the Palin selection, "This needs to be taken seriously!"
Upstairs, Colleen quickly dispenses of the Mother's Day crap and tells Jack she's here on business. She heard through the grapevine (some ladies at Our Lady of Reluctant integration in Waltham) that Nancy Donovan got divorced and has been gallivanting with a fellow "who pours scotch like a girl." Jack basically tells her to mind her own business and pawns her off on Kenneth, who launches into frenetic clogging-singing routine when she cheekily commands him to entertain her.