Post-Racial Pissing Contest
Lemon: Did you guys know about this?
Dot-Com: Tracy has asked us to read this prepared statement: "Dear racist Liz Lemon: This is how you treat me, like a white-whiskered gibbon, put on this Earth to do nothing but dance around for your amusement and reduce the insect population of Malaysia."
Lemon: I don't know which of these five cell phone numbers he answers, but you get Tracy down here right now.
Pete: Why? The gibbon is on time, he knows his blocking, and he doesn't try to bite the dancers.
Tracy [slow claps]: I think I've proven my point.
Lemon: Oh my God! Like we really have time for you to walk down the stairs that slowly!
Lemon: Tracy, it costs the show a lot of money when you pull these... shenanigans.
Tracy: Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon. We have a Black president now.
Lemon: What do you care? You voted for Nader.
Tracy: This is post-racial America, and I demand to be treated like everyone else.
Lemon: You want to be treated like everybody else? Fantastic! Then tomorrow I'm sending a regular Town Car for you instead of one of those duck boats...
Lemon: ...and you're not allowed to point at women in the cafeteria and yell, "I wanna get that pregnant!"
Or an Over-Zealous Tourist
Jenna: What are you doing with him?
Kenneth: Oh, Mr. Jordan said he doesn't need it anymore.
Jenna: So you're just letting him go?
Kenneth: Oh, don't worry. Once it tries to mate with a child, I'm sure Animal Control will just shoot it.
Baz Luhrmann Presents: Boca Raton!
Jack: Lemon, Colleen brought her boyfriend. His name is Paul.
Lemon: What? Really?
Jack: I don't like this guy. I don't trust him. I mean, he's four years younger. He wears a pinky ring. When the waiter brought over our food, he said, "abbondanza"?
Lemon: Okay, Jack, I know this a stressful time for you and your mother...
Jack: You're right. I don't like the timing of this at all. Colleen is very vulnerable right now, and scam artists can smell that sort of thing. Have you ever been to Florida? It's practically a criminal population. It's America's Australia!
Lemon: Come on. Maybe he just likes her. You know some men like older women.
Jack: Let's not make this about you, okay?
What Do Mariachi Monkeys, Pigs, and Nut Sacks Have in Common?
Kenneth: Miss Maroney, I have the ukulele you asked for.
Jenna: Oh, it's not for me. Someone's in a little Mariachi band today!
Kenneth: Ma'am, this is a wild animal. You can't treat it like a person!
Jenna: No, he's happy. His costume is hiding his erection.
Kenneth: Well, as a child, I had a prized pig that I thought was my best friend. But then one day I picked up one of her piglets. She went crazy! She bit off my nut sack... that I kept tied around my belt to feed squirrels.