Jack and Liz go ring shopping so he can propose to Elisa the right way. He coins a new term, saying Elisa's "the one." He buys a ring, but before he can propose, Elisa confesses to Liz that she has a huge secret and can't go through with the wedding. She can't tell Jack, though, so Liz needs to. But as Liz might be about to do so, Elisa storms in, all in love with Jack again, and tells Liz not tell. Soon enough, a maid tells us she's La Viuda Negra, which basically means she killed her ex-husband because he cheated on her. So, Jack goes clubbing with Tracy to make sure he won't cheat. He won't, but since Elisa followed him around and back to Liz's (where she was eating -- and singing about -- night cheese), he breaks up with her anyway.
Tracy is trying to find the perfect gift for his "the one," his wife Angie. Oh, and he made up "the one" after watching The Matrix. These guys are so original. It's been twenty years since he met her and he's deciding between a denim jacket that says "Hot Bitch" or a Slanket. Liz tells him to ask Angie what she wants (she benefits, too, because she gets both gifts). He does, and Angie wants Tracy to get a tattoo of her face and her name. He doesn't want to, because it will ruin his cred with the ladies at the clubs, since he's always lifting up his shirt so everyone would see it. Dot Com suggests he add a mane to Angie's face and some letters to make it Tangiers, a lion. You know, like the Moroccan soccer mascot. That's the tattoo he ends up with, on his back.
Jenna also finds "the one" -- a hot paramedic who comes to help Lutz after he freaked out at a mouse and ran into a wall. The paramedic gives Lutz his number for Jenna, but Lutz, concussed, eats it. Jenna keeps giving Kenneth strawberries (since he's allergic) to get her paramedic back. It works the third time, and she gets her date. But since he has a kid, she "Pffffts" him with a big thumbs-down.
This is my first time weecapping this show, and I must admit right up front that's a little daunting. It might be difficult to snark on a show that's this funny to begin with. I wouldn't know. (Sorry Earl, but you know it's true.) I'm about to find out. Here we go. NBC announcer guy says the Sheinhardt Wig Company invites me to stick around for an all new episode of 30 Rock. I think I will, then.
We open on the streets of New York, as we so often do. Jack and a very casually dressed (even for Liz) Liz enter a jewelry store. Jack tells the guy behind the counter he's looking for an engagement ring. The guy looks at Liz, who smiles dorkily. The guy asks Jack, "Are you sure?" Jack is. The guy goes to get rings, and Liz tells Jack he should have had a ring the first time he proposed to Salma, so she wouldn't say no. Jack says she didn't say "no"; she said "let's think about it." In Liz's experience, "Let's think about it" usually ends up with her watching Solid Gold in her basement on prom night. Awww, poor Liz Lemon. [Isn't this her second reference to a bad prom experience? - Zach] Jack says he's thought about it, and hasn't changed his mind. In fact, he's coined a new term to describe what Salma is to him: "the one." Liz is all, "The one?" He's all, yeah, as in "the only one for me; the one I'm meant to be with." Liz tells him he should be a writer. The guy with the rings returns, and Liz is all, "Check out the bling!" Then she tries on a ring and it's stuck so it flies off when she finally frees it. As she crawls around looking for it, the clerk tells Jack she's "very spirited. Like a show horse," and Jack's so lucky. Jack clarifies the situation, and the guy says that, in that case, he'll take him to the real show room. Hee. Liz doesn't even rate a real jewelry show room. Which makes sense, because she's now howling about her finger being caught in a vent.
At 30 Rock, Liz asks Kenneth where her Sno-Balls are. She's going to the gym later, so she deserves a treat. Kenneth says they can't have coconut products around anymore because of staff allergies. She says allergies are psychosomatic. The only reason she's allergic to dogs is because one bit her the first time she got her period. Ew. TMI! Kenneth says, no, they're actually real. If he has a strawberry, his throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class. You know, because girls are dumb at math! Jenna, who's joined them, says that if her cousin eats a walnut, her throat shuts up faster than a Filipino at a ... But Liz interrupts to stop the offensiveness.