30 Rock

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99 Problems, But a Book Ain't One
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open in Lemon's office, where she and Jack are discussing NBC's expansion into China, where they have such gems as Prison Breakdance -- a reality competition in which prisoners dance for freedom -- and a janked up copy of Lemon's book: Dealbreaker: The Book for You Man No Good, by Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit. Lemon tells Jack the new cast member starts today and registers some concerns about the fact he is literally an unknown... and a Party Robot. Jack approaches it with his usual coolness.

Kenneth knocks on Lemon's door to excitedly announce the Robot has arrived. He starts to practice the welcome song he wrote for them, which is not unlike any TGIF theme you care to recall: "Makin' a new friend sure ain't easy..." A few moments later Lemon and Jack get to the elevators as Kenneth wraps up his song: "...And that's how two become one!" Jack asks Lemon to dinner, and she accepts. Then they're interrupted by a gaggle of TGS staffers and Tracy speculating about the newbie. The doors open, and they all turn in eager expectation. Alas, it's just Lutz. Cerie looks downcast, thinking this is the new guy. Lutz reminds her that he's worked on the show for three years, and even gave her a car he won. She registers a blank.

Lemon beckons him to the crowd as they wait for the Party Robot to make his clanging, whirring entrance. Instead, a little hottie by the name of Cheyenne Jackson (Broadway geeks unite!) enters the doors. But for our purposes we'll call him "Danny." (His actual name is Jack Baker, but Jack Donaghy vetoes having two Jacks in one building and rechristens him "Danny.") Lemon welcomes "Danny" to TGS and shows him to his dressing room. He's amazed how far he's come up in the world since making $50 a day on the street and suffering memory loss from all the silver paint fumes. He admits he hasn't done much acting -- if you don't count that high school football movie back in Ottawa. Lemon is surprised he's Canadian. Insert your Canuck slang and Boxing Day jokes here.

Lemon starts giving Danny some insider tips, but Kenneth interrupts to serve as the official Welcome Wagon and inquire what Danny would like for lunch, since Kenneth is already heading out for Tracy and Jenna's lunches. Danny says it's no problem and that he'll just get his lunch himself. One step further, he asks if Kenneth needs anything. Kenneth makes a befuddled little whimper, then says, "Yad sdrawkcab tsuj s'ti sseug I, yako" (translation: "Okay, I guess it's just backwards day"), then walks backwards down the corridor. Credits.

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30 Rock

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