30 Rock

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99 Problems, But a Book Ain't One

Bonus: Tracy and Jenna now have a Problem Solvers commercial (a jingle, too!) in which they claim to solve everything from term papers to migrating implants: "'Cause after all, what's a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?"

Regular and Delicious!
Jack: Do you have plans for dinner tonight?
Lemon: I do! I bought an Activia microwaveable Panini --
Jack: Good God, have dinner with me!

High Hopes
Tracy: Hey, Jackie D! I hope the new dude isn't impossible to work with [points to himself] like some people I know.
Toofer: I hope he's educated!
Frank: I hope he hates Toofer.
Janitor: I hope he likes janitor hugs.

What? Shellac Isn't a Condiment?
Danny: I just don't want to screw up. Like, what do you wish you'd known on your first day?
Lemon: Oh, well... don't eat prop food. They spray something on it that messes you up.

Also Known As an MRS Degree
Tracy: Yo, Ken. Do you have a problem that needs solving?
Kenneth: Actually, I do. Mister Baker wants to do everything for himself. I feel about as useless as a mom's college degree.

Liz Lemon: A Half-Step Above Dogs and Monkeys
Lemon: You're an agent?
Simon: Junior agent. Full disclosure: Until now I've mainly represented dogs, but seeing as how we're both embarking upon a new phase of our careers: [points at Lemon] performing, [points at himself] representing humans and monkeys, I wanted you to know that I'm hungry and I would do anything for you. My clients are more important to me than my own mommy.

Pack Your Knives and Go, Lemon
Lemon: "Sheinhardt-Universal announces production of a Dealbreakers talk show." What the what, Jack?
Jack: Let me explain something to you, Lemon. Dealbreakers is a sketch that first appeared on this network. We own it. And we're doing it whether or not you're involved.
Lemon: Really? So you think you can just replace me?
Jack: Of course not. We can do better. We've already spoken to Padma Lakshmi.
Lemon: Then who's gonna host Top Chef? You are ruining my life!

Jack's Conundrum, Jenna's Pleasure
Tracy: Hey, Jackie D! What's wrong? You're not your usual giggly self.
Jenna: If you've got a problem, you've found the right people.
Jack: Okay, I've got a problem: It needs to be communicated to Lemon that, if she wants to play business, I'm more than happy to play with her. But, as she saw earlier today, Business Jack does not play gentle.

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30 Rock

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