30 Rock

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Absolutely Cab-ulous

Meanwhile, Jack continues taping his film, advising his son never to hire Sting to play at his wedding reception. He deems the singer's jazz versions of Police songs "demoralizing." He also says that in the case that Avery meets another man, that man's death must appear accidental, and the secret to healthy hair is dove blood. Just as he's about to demonstrate a back flip, he hears sneezing from his draperies. He pulls them back to find Kenneth sweeping his terrace. Jack tells Kenneth to move on and harshly dismisses him. He looks back at the camera to tell his son that he just gave Kenneth tough love and sent the youngster on his way. Next lesson: Juggling!

Downstairs, Brian Williams and Andrea Mitchell spread the rumors about Lemon and Richie, Nightly News-style. Lemon stomps into the edit suite to confront Richie. She tells Richie that she was only nice to him because she's in a relationship, then takes her hug back forcefully. Richie pulls Lemon into a private editing room to explain that he, too, was just trying to follow the "When it rains, it pours" model, because he's trying to catch the attention of his perm-tastic assistant editor, Donna Strunk. He apologizes but says he was driven to desperate measures because he's loved Donna for seven years. Cue Streetcar Named Desire-esque wailing with the name "Donna" where "Stella" would normally be. Lemon sees his anguish and offers to make him a deal.

Before we discover what said deal will be, Kenneth answers his phone at his squatting apartment. It's Angie, who's out of her mind on drugs and screaming for Tracy. Kenneth looks to his life-size cutout of Tracy and hatches a plan.

Somewhere near Mt. Sinai, Tracy answers correctly that Thomas Jefferson invented the Lazy Susan. He claims to know because he is a descendant of both Thomas Jefferson and Lazy Susan herself. Similarly, he knows that the capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi, because he will be executed if he ever returns. He also knows the 12 tones of the musical scale and demonstrates them as proof of his musical genius.

30 Rock. Jack has summoned Lutz to demonstrate for his son how to throw a punch. Then he reads The Giving Tree as proof of Shel Silverstein's Communist tendencies. Jack returns to Lutz to demonstrate how to make love to a woman. Lutz: "Huh?!"

At the hospital, Kenneth has cut out Cardboard Tracy's head and wrapped it around his face to trick Angie until the real Tracy arrives. Dr. Spaceman's watch alarm suddenly beeps, and he remembers he must feed the meter. As you do.

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30 Rock

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