Jenna: Well I only wear designer labels. [Turns around to show off her jeans.] These are Jamie Foxx for Ass Farm.
Cerie: But I can't room with you. Sue and I already talked about it.
Jenna: Why? You know Sue says stuff behind your back.
Cerie: She always says stuff to me about you.
Jenna: Wait, what? I was making my thing up. [Turns around to see Sue.] You bitch!
Sue: What did you tell her, you vondruke!
This Week's Blink-And-You-Missed-It: A Joke Not About NBC
Jack: So, how's the show looking for Friday?
Lemon: Like it may not happen, actually.
Jack: Well that will really disappoint your key demographic of drunken 11-year-olds.
Lemon: Look, I know for you this is all just a way to meet married ladies, but it is my job.
Jack: Let me give you some advice on uniting a divided people. Find a common enemy.
Lemon: A common enemy?
Jack: For example, what keeps people polite on airplanes? A shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms they're forced to watch.
Kenneth Does Bitchy. Me Likes.
Pete: Okay, that's lunch. We're back in at three.
Lemon: No, 3:30. Enjoy the town, everyone! You're welcome. Now who would like to join me on a morale-boosting tour of Boston's historic Freedom Trail?
Kenneth: Oooooh, I would...n't!
"A Treatise Both For & Against Revisionist History" by Tracy Jordan
Tracy: Now what am I supposed to do? I got free time in a strange city.
Lemon: Why don't you come on the Freedom Trail with me? It's an educational walking tour.
Tracy: Purrrrr-fect, like a cat birthday! How could I possibly get in trouble on a walking tour?
Pete: Smash cut to... [Lemon and Tracy on the tour.]
John Hancock: And I, John Hancock, with one stroke of my pen, set all Americans free!
Tracy: You lyin' white devil! The only people you set free were rich, white dudes like yourself!
John Hancock: I think my good friend -- and supervisor -- Paul Revere can address that.
Paul Revere: I'm out, Kenny.
Lemon: Okay, I think we're gonna go--
Tracy: No! Most dudes that signed that Declaration of Independence owned slaves. What about you, John Hancock?
John Hancock: Well, technically I just inherited my slaves.
Tracy: I knew it! For a dude that has the most hilarious last name I ever heard, you blow! We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!