A Ladies Preference.
Lemon: "Are you drunk?"
Jenna: "On The Spirit of Christmas. It's this cheap high-proof brandy I bought."

Leasing Guilt Away.
Lemon: "Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins. I would like some new shoes so I can walk to school. My dream is to be a doctor someday..."
Tracy: [crying] "That kid's never going to be a doctor. I better buy her a jet ski."

Long Answer Short.
Lemon: "Hey Toofer, can I buy a kid FUBU? Is that a swear word?"
Toofer: "Okay, while FUBU is not itself profane, I do think that..."
Lemon: "Thank you!"

Dr. Zaius?
Jack: "Some quack doctor recommended she be around family."

You're Sure About That?
Jack: "If you need something just call down to the doorman. Yes he does speak English, mother. Jamaican people speak English."

Solid News for the Sheinhardt Co.
Jack: "It's just me and Colleen all alone. Lemon, one of her suitcases was just wigs."

Your Joan Rivers Probably Sounds Like Keanu.
Lemon: "Yeah sure, I'll entertain her. You know I was just thinking in the shower this morning, what if Saint Nick was Nic Cage? Cause it might go ... a little something ... like this."
Jack: [leaving] "Toofer! Toofer my man. How's tricks?"
Lemon: [as Nic Cage] "Ho ho ho! No that sounds more like Joan Rivers."

Incog-noto.
Jenna: [shopping with Liz] "Hey, are you almost done? We need to get out of here BEFORE SOMEONE RECOGNIZES ME!"

Rap Must Have Replaced Pool Halls as a Stereotype.
Lemon: "I have a new family, the Glovers! And I am going to get them all these rapping Santas. [Picking up a Santa as it sings a carol.] Well I kind of assumed they would rap, which is kind of racist on my part, but still, best Christmas ever! You're welcome, Glovers."