How to Seduce a Recipient, if You Carry Mail

Jack and Elisa watch an episode of Los Amantes Clandestines in which Generalissimo cheats at a duel and shoots a man in the back. Lemon joins them in Jack's office. It's her first time meeting Elisa: "C'mon, you're a nurse?" "Yeah, some of us are hot," explains Elisa, and then Jack shows Lemon his evil doppelganger on the TV. He explains his abuela problemo. To remedy the situation, Jack bought Telemundo, the station that airs Los Amantes Clandestines, and now he wants Lemon to write a script that will kill off the Generalissimo character once and for all. "Elisa will help you with the Spanish," he says to reassure her. Lemon protests. She's never even watched the show, but Elisa explains the only piece of information Lemon requires: Generalissimo is a swine. On television is a scene between Generalissimo and a young lady. He steals the young lady's mail and uses it to trick her into giving up her honor to him. Generalissimo reads her mail -- her most intimate secrets -- and turns himself into the perfect object of her desire. "What she loved, he pretended to love, too," explains Elisa. Interesting. I find this very interesting. I never thought of the mail as being this variety of a privacy issue. So ladies, I'm only going to give you this avenue to my body once. I've got a stack of my personal mail in my lap. If you have designs on seducing me, welcome to your roadmap: