Jack tells Lemon he wants Jenna to sing a Janis Joplin song at the top of the next episode of The Girlie Show. They walk and talk until arriving upon Kenneth's desk. Kenneth is talking to Stuart the midget. "So Stuart, what's it like living under a bridge?" "Kenneth!" scolds Liz. "Hey Liz. I was just telling him about my new apartment in Williamsburg. Under the bridge," says Stuart. Then he and Jack have a cock off. Jack hazes Stuart for working at a place he thought had been turned into a Barnes & Noble. Stuart asks if he, and the other guys in corporate America, have learned how to ask "You want fries with that?" in Chinese? It earns their mutual respect. Stuart is United Nations High Commissioner on water temperature and food taint. They probably wrote that joke months ago but we hear it on a week when the word taint has been used more than on Rush Week at a state college. Then Tracy and Angie stroll in, post-coital, praising Jack for bringing them closer together. Angie blows Tracy a kiss, and then Tracy decides to get closer, again -- even closer -- to his wife, in the hallway, in front of people, especially Kenneth. They start sexing on Kenneth's desk and everyone in the hallway flees. Kenneth is afraid to move. He turns his back and clutches a phone. On the opposite end, Frank looks on from a distance, wearing a hat that reads "Night Chicks." Jenna is about to give a condescending speech to the show's writers when she is interrupted by an Access Hollywood report about the Janis Joplin movie. According to the report, Julia Roberts and Martin Scorsese will also be making a Janis Joplin biopic. Never mind how awful that movie would be, Jenna is not at all happy. I pause the television and add the movie Infamous to my Netflix queue.
Jack arrives home, greeted by Elisa. She tells him he has a package. It's a pair of gold shoes. They're a thank you gift from Tracy. He explains to Elisa that the gift is because he helped Tracy arrange a pre-nup agreement, but that it backfired when Tracy and his wife fell back in love. He sounds none too pleased by the turn of events and Elisa calls him on it. "What is ridiculous about love?" she asks. Jack tells her he doesn't require that amount of emotional dependability from a mate. Then he leaves to eat and have sex with a Fox News anchor -- not necessarily in that order. Lemon is also on a date. She and Stuart stop at an Indian doughnut stand for food. I have never seen an Indian doughnut stand, by the way. Don't go to New York expecting to see one. As the cook prepares a doughnut, apparently, cooked over a fire, Lemon hugs Stuart away from a stove fire. "Are you trying to pick me up to keep me from catching fire?" he asks. "Kiss me," says Lemon, but Stuart doesn't bite. She admits to Stuart that when they met she thought he was a little boy, and then she indirectly calls him a weirdo. He calls it off and walks home. "Be careful crossing the road!" Lemon can't help herself from telling him. The mom force is strong in this one. The name Stuart has to be a quiet nod to Stuart Little by the way. I just thought of that. Back to Jack's date, he and the Fox News anchorwoman sit at a fancy restaurant. He excuses himself to go use the bathroom. As he zips up in front of the urinal, Jack pauses curiously, as if he just heard a woman in distress and was, in fact, the Man of Steel. He walks over to the sink, still with pained curiosity on his face. The bathroom attendent offers him a towel. "I have something on my ball." You don't hear that everyday, unless you're me and like to eavesdrop doctor's offices.