We Give them a Reason to Hate Us and Missiles?
Jack: "By putting a TV actor into the movie world we can promote both. It's like how we're including a Heroes DVD with every missile guidance system we sell."

Joplin Might Have Still Been Freaked Out
Jenna: (as Janis Joplin) "I'm so glad I time traveled here from 1969. Whoa. What is that iron bird?"
Jack: "They had airplanes in the '60s, Jenna."

Spoil the Ending
Jenna: (Holding book up) "Take a lesson from Janis (Joplin) and show some self-control."
Lemon: "How far into that biography are you?"
Jenna: "Not very. Why? What happens?"

Tracy's Post-Nup Stipulation
Jack: "Or any female of equivalent thickness."

Flatliner
Angie: "I'm going to watch you die Tracy Jordan."
Tracy: "She's done it before Jack."

It Doesn't Sound too Bad
Stuart: "Liz here saw me on the street and went for it."
Jack: "Liz did that?"
Lemon: "Yeah. You know me. Spend my lunch hour walking up and down 5th avenue. Looking for a hot meal."
Jack: "Classic Lemon man-eater."
Lemon: "Cat sound."

Necrophilia
Tracy: "When I'm on my death bed, frenching my wife, I'm a think of you."
Jack: "Please don't." Stock Footage
Nancy O'Dell: "Here's Maroney on a windy day."

Duh. Spanglish
Jack: "It's seven o'clock. Why don't I hear my mother yelling "go home" to the Asian contestant on Jeopardy?"
Elisa: "'Cause she's asleep."
Jack: "Really? How did you do that?"
Elisa: "She fought me at first, but I find that authoritative rapid Spanish subdues white people."

That's Actually Pretty Specific
Jack: "Without getting into specifics. My exit involves a McFlurry machine, and a videotape of risqué commercials from overseas."

Zing of the Night
Lemon: "I have a thing about intimacy. I'm the weird one. I'm weirder than you."
Stuart: "How am I weird?"
Lemon: "You're not. That came out wrong."
Stuart: "You came out wrong."

Cow
Jack: "The lady will have the tasting menu but with some substitutions. Instead of the... any of it, she'll have a cup of hot water with a chicken bone in it, and a bowl of salted ice cubes."

Are You Using the Tu Form?
(Elisa speaks rapid fire Spanish)
Jack: "Is that the subjunctive?"
(Elisa thrusts her hand down his pants to check his balls)
Jack: "How did you do that?"
Elisa: "I told you I was a professional. And you forgot to put on your underpants."