A Jack Russell shot C.C. in the face, forcing her to sue the dog and go under the knife for six reconstructive surgeries. But now she's much better-looking, and they even made a Lifetime original about her ordeal called A Dog Took My Face And Gave Me A Better Face To Change The World. It's a very SNL joke, but we do get treated to the other non-Armissen or -Arnett funny SNL cast member, Kristen Wiig. She plays the role of C.C. in the Lifetime original with deadpan bemusement. Back to present, where Jack says a whoreish thing to C.C., who slaps him, kisses him, slaps him, kisses him again. Tracy lurks in the halls, bearing witness to the whole thing, and wants to help Jack with his troubles of the heart.
In his bed, in silk pajamas, Jack watches C.C.'s Lifetime original. Wiig delivers a stirring monologue to the dog that accidentally shot her in the face and Jack, sipping his Nancy Drew/Hardy Boy, is thoroughly moved. Jack asks Tracy to help get him to the Clinton offices in Harlem, since he has to go incognito and no cabs will take him.
Once there, Jack stands outside C.C.'s office window on 125th Street with Tracy serving as his Cyrano. As he pleads for her to give them another shot at love, Tracy offers some seductive advice: "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five. Tell her that she got some Tig Ole Bitties like the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you science. Tell her, Jack!"
Jack and C.C. reconcile. They'll ignore their differences until the sex goes bad, and then they have sex in Bill Clinton's office. Hawt.
The third and least exceptional plot surrounds Kenneth. Kenneth hands Jack his freshly dry-cleaned suit, but it's missing the pants. Despite Jack's forgiveness, Kenneth vows to pay him back for it. "They cost $2,500 dollars," informs Jack.
Later Kenneth, wearing a Sheinhardt t-shirt, stands in the hallway looking troubled when Tracy walks by looking, for a split-second, exactly like Jay-Z. Tracy discerns the situation and comes up with a solution: "When I lose something, I yell real loud until I find it... Pants! Pants!! Pants!!! Pants!!!!" Grizz and Dot Com come running over with Sean John pants, eager to please, but this, to great regret, does not help end Kenneth's plight.
Upon hearing about Kenneth's desperate situation, Frank agrees to help him by offering him money to eat a bottle of ketchup. Then by scaring Lutz in an extra creepy-looking orangutan mask as he sleeps in the office. Lutz wakes up frightened and beats Kenneth with a golf club. I don't know about you guys, but this subplot has had too few returns for me. Where's Jenna? Finally, Kenneth earns enough to buy a replacement pair of Jack's pants, which it turns out Jack has several more pairs of in his closet. Ba-dum-bump.