John Mayer doesn't listen.
Lemon: "She is staunchly in favor of Cocoa Puffs. Do not sleep with her."
Kenneth Wide Shut:
Kenneth: "Gosh, last time I was blindfolded was when I had to play the piano at that weird masquerade party."
A porn star audition on Broadway:
Lemon: "Did she do sexy birthday or mannequin that comes to life?"
Jack: "Sexy birthday. Thank God."
Silent Comedy Award:
Kenneth: "This is worse than the original finale. What are we going to do?"
Tracy: "I don't know, Ken. This is bad. I wish this were an episode of Night Court, because then there'd be some big joke right now."
Lemon: "I was at this club last night called... Chili's, and I met this smoking guy. He was just raw."
Claire: "Tell me everything."
Lemon: "I'm going to. He was wearing this shirt and I could totally see his nips. Very muscular."
Claire: "Did you go home with him?"
Lemon: "Yes to his loft. So let's go dancing in high heels!"
Jenna: "There you are. Why'd you leave? I think those Persian guys wanted us to make out together."
Moms from the Midwest and Crazy Bitches: A Cookbook
Claire: "I made you a white pizza and a pot roast."
Taken out of context:
Jenna: "That idiot werewolf paid for my hand reduction surgery, okay."
Claire: "Are we boring? Are we some sexless couple that just sits in silence at a fish place on like a Sunday night at 5 o'clock? Because if we are I will kill myself."
No-Prize Award Winner:
Tracy, Tracy, Tracy. This week it was an easy choice. Lines like "an owl without a graduation cap" are practically a guarantee, and did anyone else notice him doing a Whoopi impression?