666 Park Avenue

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: C+ | Grade It Now!
Birds of Creepy-dise

Jane and Henry's place. Henry comes home late and tells Jane about how the guy at the wine shop tried to sell him an $800 bottle of wine, but that he bought a $20 bottle of merlot instead. Which is what normal people do. Jane tells Henry about the birds, and correctly references Tippi Hedren (did you know she almost got Melanie Griffith eaten by a lion? Yes! She did!). You can stay, Jane.

Jane and Henry get all fancied up for a Doran penthouse party. Olivia is wearing eight billion sparkles and looks like an award you get for setting a charity fund-raising record. Henry hands her the $20 merlot. She manages not to vomit while politely thanking him. Jane sends Henry off to the bar for vodka and waves at Gavin. Drink in hand, she introduces Henry to Danielle, who also assumes Jane and Henry are married. I can't quite figure out why they aren't. Is it just so everyone can make sideways remarks about what a catch Henry is? Because obviously Jane is just an illiterate cow who's lucky to have snagged him.

Henry gets sidetracked by a scale model of a building. Gavin explains it's a fancy-ass development on the West Side Highway that's in financial trouble, so Gavin can pick it up for a song: $100 million. He asks Henry to keep that little detail between them. Henry agrees and goes out on the gorgeous terrace to meet Jane. She asks him if he can believe the view. Henry says he could get used to it, because he's becoming corrupted by Gavin's eeeeevil. Jane, still mostly on the side of good, tells him to enjoy it now, because they turn back into poor, poverty-stricken pumpkins at midnight.

As Jane and Henry make out on the terrace, Danielle watches from inside. Gavin sidles up and asks Danielle if she's there with a date, but no, she's single and bitter. Although she does have a date tomorrow, so obviously she's going to sell her soul for a man. Gavin mentions a restaurant in the Flatiron she should go to, and says he'll call the maitre d' to set her up. "Never hurts to stack the deck," he says. They clink glasses and drink.

Jane and Henry's place. There's a trail of clothes to the bed, because these two just cannot stop fucking. (Although I cannot blame them.) Jane says she thinks she left some clothes in the dryer and that there's a thief in the building (they keep saying it exactly that way, over and over, like they're trying to speak it into existence. It's weird), so she goes down to the laundry room in her undercrackers. That doesn't seem smart, Jane. She sees a door where there wasn't a door just a day ago. DUDE. RUN AWAY. Instead she opens the door and walks into an apartment. She walks farther into the apartment, which is decorated in mid-century Mad Men chic, while "I Only Have Eyes for You," by the Flamingos, plays on the record player. And someone is dead on the floor in the bedroom. Abruptly, the corpse's head snaps up, looking straight at her, and Jane wakes up in her bed next to Henry. But the clothes she went downstairs for are in the laundry basket next to the bed.

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666 Park Avenue




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