Usher and Eric carry the responsibility of being a college talk show DJ as if it were an anvil. Actually...oh, never mind. They still can't trace Carl. "This is getting pretty scary," says Usher. That is so meta. They sit sadly by the console. Hello? The show? A teary, quivery lady rushes into the booth. She's Emily. The girl that hurt Carl. You know, Carl, "the guy that wants to kill himself? We gotta stop him!" If you say so, lady.
CamPound. Lucy prances up into The Most Unfinished Of Rooms and tells Kevin she missed him at dinner. Kevin angrily laces his shoes, then says bitterly that he's going to meet Roxanne at the pool hall. Lucy is all, I said you should go. And why is he so angry? Because Roxanne wants a new partner, and it's "all because of [Lucy]." Oh, if only Lucy just did everything Kevin wanted. Then she'd be perfect! And perfectly ugly. Lucy can't hide how pleased she is at the news. Kevin is so scary when he's angry. Lucy says that she tried to like Roxanne, that she "tries to like everybody," but sometimes you just can't. Oh, word. Fire me for agreeing with Lucy, please. ["Done." -- Sars] Lucy says she "hate[s] that a woman that good-looking is riding around in a car with [Kevin] all day. It makes [Lucy] insane!" Kevin says, so you don't trust Roxanne. Duh! And, she's right! Roxanne totally tried to get Kevin to kiss her, and he DID kiss her to piss Lucy off. Kevin makes a ludicrous argument that he and Roxanne are good together and he's not going to lose her -- Lucy, on the other hand, is hanging by a thread. He's out of there. Lucy? Kick his ass to the curb. Kevin sucks.
Club Minor. It's a sea of dance music, red lights, and, well, minors. Ben, Simon, and Cecilia wait in line with short, brace-faced teenage girls. Simon insists that the hot older women are all inside. "Settle down!" Cecilia parrots the phrase. Dude, what's with all the filler? Simon passes Ben a fake ID, proclaiming him to be fifteen and black. Perhaps the son of Dr. Hibbert? Ben expresses his dismay and his intentions to leave, AGAIN, but then a hot older woman walks by and Ben decides to stay. Oh, this can't be good.
CamPound Kitchen. Ruthie leads the Borg in, sees Jake, and does the opposite of kvell. Jake says that his mom said he can stay as late as he wants. I think Jake's mom hates him. I know I do. Jake takes the Borg into the other room, and Ruthie asks Annie if she can "move to a foreign country" to avoid Jake's love. Annie suggests letting him down gently, since it isn't fair to him to let him think he's liked back. Jake comes back in the kitchen and says Candyland is ready to go. Ruthie says she doesn't like Jake, and she doesn't want to have lunch with him, or for him to carry her books or even spend any time with her. Annie hisses that she said "gently!" Jake is unflapped. "That's cool." Ruthie is surprised. Jake says he needs a ride home, and Lucy volunteers. Ruthie walks him down the hall and "thanks" him for "not crying." Jake says that they're "twelve. It's not like we're getting married." So, will Kevin cry when Lucy dumps his ass? I hope so.