7th Heaven
An Early Fall

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
Blah, Blah, Black Sheep

I'll admit it: I was looking forward to this week's episode because the trailers that were shown about it last week and right before the show started contained scenes of the accident. After hearing so much about it last week, we were finally going to see the real thing. Awesome.

But we'll just have to be patient, because when the show opens, we seem to be in the middle of a big city. Car horns honk and the camera pans up to reveal tall buildings. I don't think we're in Glenoak anymore, Happy. We must be at Matt's New York City hospital. Hmmm...this show is getting too close to my location for my liking. Get back on your own coast, Brenda! Simon buys some kind of apple pastry from a vending machine. Just in case you're ever in Matt's hospital and you, too, want to partake of this confectionery delight, it's on the "D-5" shelf. Mary comes out from behind the vending machine and exasperatedly tells Simon that she's been looking everywhere for him. Oh, hello, Mary. Wish I could say that it's nice to see you again, but...you know. Simon grouses that he's been at the hospital all night waiting for her to come pick him up. Mary says that she didn't get in until 2 that morning, and then didn't check her messages until now. 2 this morning? Hot damn, looks like Mary went out and got herself a life. Simon is also pissed that Mary didn't tell him that Matt wasn't in town. Mary says she assumed that Simon would call Matt and check before he asked her to get him a ticket. Ah, so that's so he could afford a last-minute cross country plane trip -- it was a free JetBlue ticket. Simon's going to wish he wasn't so stingy when the Defense Department comes knocking on his door because JetBlue gave them his passenger information.

Simon asks about Carlos. Mary pretends that she doesn't know who that is, although there's a pretty good chance that she just forgot who he was. After all, she's not the brightest candle on the birthday cake. After more pushing from Simon, Mary admits that Carlos is her new husband. Simon's reaction is an annoyed/pained/not too surprised "whaaat?" Then he stares at Mary's chest. We get a nice Simon's-eye-view of this as he looks down Mary's body, settling on her crotch. Simon, I know you're a seventeen-year-old full of raging hormones, but...damn. She's your sister! Control yourself. Sounding only a little skeeved out, Mary asks Simon what he's looking at. "Nothing," he says. Well, that's not very nice. I mean, Mary's cups may not runneth over like Lucy's, but she does have something there. I know a lot of girls who have less. There's an awkward silence, then Simon says he's ready to go back to Glenoak with Mary, adding that he's glad that Mary's newest screw-up will take some of the attention off of his. Mary comfortingly tells him that everything will be okay, which is more than he deserves after that comment, really. Simon walks away, turning his head to stare at his sister's body again as he goes. "What are you looking at?" Mary asks. "Nothing!" Simon says, just like in "The Ambiguously Gay Duo" on SNL, except not funny and with lower production values.

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7th Heaven




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